What shouldn't have been

4.10

"So it's true? I-I'm pregnant?" I asked. The healer nodded. I couldn't say anything after that. I was speechless.

"I'll leave you alone. Congratulations, you two", The Healer said. I would've corrected the Healer, but I couldn't speak.

"I'm not the father. Haylie and I are just friends", Remus said.

"Oh. Well, you two should contact the father immediately and tell him the good news".

The Healer walked out of the room. I suddenly felt cold. I didn't know how to feel.

Was I happy? Disappointed? Scared? Excited?

I wrapped a blanket around myself. "Haylie", Remus said. It took me a moment to find my words.

"Remus. What if I'm a terrible mother?" I asked.

"That's nonsense. You'll be an excellent mother", Remus said.

"What will Sirius say? How am I going to tell him? I don't know the first thing about taking care of a kid. What if they don't like me?" I bombarded.

Dad will literally kill Sirius. He will literally Avada Kedavra him.

"Haylie, don't stress. You're going to do great and I'm sure Sirius will be happy", Remus said.

"Last time we spoke about having children, we both agreed it would be cruel to bring a child into a world where Voldemort still reigns. I have to find the right moment to tell him", I said. "I don't want to put more pressure on him. Then, he'll think the baby is a problem".

"No, no. Don't believe that, Hayles. Listen to me. You're going to be a wonderful mother and Sirius is not going to see the baby as a problem. Everything will be fine. And I promise you, I'll make sure no harm comes to you or the baby", Remus said.

I wrapped my arms around him. I relieved to have a friend around. "Please don't tell Sirius. I want to be the one to tell him myself", I said.

"When do you think you'll be ready to tell him?" Remus asked.

It took me a while to answer. I responded with, "I don't know". I looked down at my stomach.

It was so much to process. Me, Haylie Snape, has a baby in her stomach. An actual baby. I was going to be a mother. To an actual human.

"I can't believe I have a little human. In here", I said, pointing to my stomach. "How did this happen".

"Well, you and Sirius must have had some affair after the proposal", Remus said.

"I get that", I said. "But did I eat something that made me sprout a baby? Dad never told me how it works".

"Oh", Remus said. He looked at me, surprised.

"Well, I know it has something to do with a...uterus. And a sperm..."

"Okay, Haylie".

"...Along with an egg..."

"That's enough".

"...and a penis..."

"We don't need too-"

"And a v-"

Remus puts his hands over my mouth. "You've proved your point. You don't know much", he said. I nodded. He takes his hand away from my mouth.

"Can we go home?" I asked.

"Yes. Come on", Remus said.

We stood up and walked out of the room. I felt sick as we walked towards the exit.

This child, boy or girl, deserves better than me. I knew that because I couldn't wait until Voldemort's freaking demise to get pregnant.