The Smirking Jerk (Blake's POV)

Chapter 75

Chapter 75

Now that I said the words, I couldn't back down.

I had to fess up.

Part of me just wanted to make a joke out of this, and just act like I'd been messing with her.

Part of me wasn't ready to share this with Lexi, to let her know all of my weaknesses. Part of me wasn't ready... to talk about that night with her.

With anyone really. I never talked about that night. It had been my lowest point.

It wasn't something I enjoyed being reminded of.

But if I wanted to have any kind of relationship with Lexi, she needed to know this.

And if I wanted to heal too, I realized, I needed to be honest.

I needed to open up.

"Just... promise me you won't freak out, alright? Promise me to hear me out, not jump to conclusion and get hysterical, okay? Just let me explain everything," I told her, taking a deep breath.

I didn't want to freak her out. But I didn't want to sugar-coat it either.

"Alright," Lexi replied, looking a little on the fence.

"You did. You do make a difference in my life. I... you know..."

It was kind of unbelievable for me to have to say that, that Lexi Grayson mattered to me. I'd been way smoother that I was given credit for, honestly. This girl didn't think she made a difference in my life?

How ludicrous?

"You wanted to know, with coach the time he didn't want to let me play because I didn't do a test, and why Josh was freaking out the other day after our paint fight," I started to say.

Lexi just looked at me with a confused expression.

I didn't blame her. How could she know? She had no way of knowing about my health issues. Almost no one knew.

We'd come to a stop, facing each other. Lexi was looking at me with her big brown eyes, earnestly and all I wanted was to hug her.

That'd be counterproductive right now though. I wouldn't be able to accomplish anything if I did.

Time to be serious.

Finally, I said, "do you know what AVM is?"

No going back now.

Lexi shook her head, not knowing. It made sense. It wasn't a very known condition.

"It stands for arteriovenous malformation," I explained.

Lexi's eyes widened, panic setting in them. "Please Blake, tell me you didn't lie to me? Tell me you aren't dying?" she asked, her hand grabbing the sleeve of my hoodie.

"I'm not dying Lexi," I told her, trying to be comforting.

This had been... kinda hard to say. Because for so long this had always been a thing. I always saw my end coming faster than normal people. But I was learning to change that mindset.

It was all because I was overly dramatic, really.

And Lexi's eyes were tearing up, which made no fucking sense, while hurting my heart at the same time. "Tell me the truth!" she pressed.

Did she care enough about me to actually be tearing up when she thought I might be really sick?

Caring about me? Sure, I could get it to a point, but she'd only started to put up with me a couple of weeks ago.