The Smirking Jerk (Blake's POV)

Chapter 90

Chapter 90

Leaving was good.

Leaving this place was an excellent plan.

I'd be with Josh, and I'd manage to have him spill the beans eventually. I knew him. He wouldn't be able to keep whatever he was keeping from me forever. He was an oversharer.

We'd travel and see new places and learn new languages.

And I wouldn't have to get attached to anyone because we'd never stay anywhere for too long, that way I wouldn't get hurt again.

Maybe I'd be able to heal this way.

I wasn't running away.

I was like an animal hiding to heal its wounds.

Even now I was doing it. I hadn't wanted to deal with the aftermath of my fuck up. I didn't want to have to stay and apologize to Alex for punching him and explaining my outburst. I didn't want to have to face anyone, especially Lexi.

I just wanted to run away from it all.

Having friends here for a little while had been a fluke.

I was a loner. I'd always been a loner. I was just back to my default setting now.

Sitting crossed legged, I stared up at the sun, taking a deep breath.

Happy birthday to me, I guessed.

I couldn't blame anyone though, I'd ruined this on my own. Everything that had happened to me was my fault. I was the only one to blame for my own bad decisions. 

Suddenly, I heard sound coming from the side, and someone saying, "crap."

My heart skipped a beat.

That crap sounded oddly like it was coming from Lexi. "Lexi?" I asked, and wanted to punch myself.

I must be hearing things.

And how fucking dare my heart skip a beat now, thinking Lexi might be close? When I'd been having panic attacks for days by just having her look at me.

Maybe it was a mix of the darkness and my own fucking stupidity.

But I was still hearing sound coming from the same direction. I looked that way, and sure thing, Lexi appeared, looking a little flustered with her curly hair I loved too much, wearing heels making me think about joking around with her and her brother during a funeral.

Making me think about not too long ago when everything I'd wanted felt within my reach.

"Blake! Please don't leave and just hear me out and then when I'll be done you can tell me to get away and that you don't want to see me again and I'll leave and do it, alright," she pleaded a little out of breath and let herself fall, sitting down in front of me before I could answer anything.

What was I even supposed to say to that?

Was she telling me that I could reject her? Wasn't it the other way around? Wasn't she the one with all the power in this relationship? She'd always been, as far as I knew.

I'd only ever been her little bitch. Nothing more.

So, I just nodded, to let her say whatever she needed to say, not able to find my own voice.

The first works she said where kind of a slap in the face. "I'm so sorry Blake."

I had wanted to hear those words, but now that they were said, I didn't know what to think.

I felt so bad that she was the one apologizing.

I kinda wished I had my letter with me right now, so I could just give it to her and she could read it and we could go on our ways without potentially getting hurt again.