My Soulmates are IDOLS Books 2+3 | 18+ [SoulBond Series]

222:the internet

Amber

The company got him a therapist, a soul doctor and bags of drugs to staunch his pain. And the team was offered a mental health check-up with a doctor. One that Amber insisted they all take for her. They needed it, considering how much JieMi's revelation had affected the group.

Regret, pain, sorrow, horror, despair, guilt.

They were mostly horribly, horribly guilty that they had not noticed JieMi's pain. To them, JieMi was a younger brother they had raised, and they had failed him. They had failed to see his pain, obscured within their dreams of love; they had failed to see just how trapped he was in a horrible, horrible abusive relationship. And to them they were the true villains in the story because how could they say they love him if they couldn't even see that he had been drowning?

She had dreams; dreams where they were in a boat, her boys were laughing, some fishing, some barbequing. And she had felt as if someone were missing, she had asked her men if they felt it too. They had stared at her, eyes blank, mind confused, brows furrowed. They kissed her and asked what was wrong, held her in their arms and promised to take the emptiness away.

And as she was pushed back against the railing, fingers scorching her skin, desire painting her veins, lips wrapped over hers, heat melting her insides. She'd turned and caught a glimpse of JieMi in the dark waters, drowning, struggling, pleading, sobbing—

Help Me.

She'd woken up, panting, sweating, teary eyed and flooded with so much pain that it had taken a while for the choked gasps to become deep inhales. The sight of JieMi by her side, a necessary arrangement the soul doctor insisted they do, had been almost too much. She'd watched him for hours, eyes tracing his face as he slept; the thick lashes, soft creamy features, trembling lips and the beauty marks.

And then she wondered where had all her hatred for him had gone, when had JieMi transformed into something so beautiful and exquisite that her heart ached. She wondered when had her ugly duckling had blossomed into a swan because when she looked at him all she felt was—

But there were parts of Amber that wondered if everything was all her fault; if the way she had done things had wrecked their relationship; if her presence was the spark of destruction; if her existence was a bad smudge in their lives. Thoughts that her sweet, sweet Oliver waved off immediately. He'd taken her hand, looked in her eyes and made her promise to never think that way ever again.

We couldn't have lived in our little bubble of seven, my love. We couldn't have. He'd responded harshly, voice so sharp that it seared at her doubt and severed her confusion. Our team would have been missing a piece. You know how much we wanted you in our lives. Do you really want Hikaru to cry for the rest of his life? You know how much he wants this. You know how much we wanted this.

Of course not, Liv. Amber had soothed. I could have found you all, just a little later or maybe earlier.

This is fate. Oliver shook his head, lacing their fingers together. It is fate that we had to wait this long for our darling. And our choices led us down this path. And who knows? This could be a fitting end to our careers. A sudden disbandment at our highest. He'd smiled then, strangely solemn. There's no way we could have danced and sang for the rest of our lives. Others will overtake us, new trends will come. Things will change, our fans will grow old. Our music will become part of the past. A figment of dreams, another page in history.

Not that quickly—

No, but perhaps rather than watching our popularity dwindle down with time, watching our views drop and experiencing growing disappointment that we will never reach the tip ever again. It would be fitting to go out at our highest and brightest. Like a firework in the night sky or a shooting star. Hm? Oliver smiled then, his eyes, happy moons despite the horrific topic. He cupped her cheeks then, ever so loving and sweet.

But Amber's throat bubbled with something bitter, and her chest burned. IDOL would be a dying star.

That's a nice analogy. A supernova explosion, the outshining of the entire galaxy and a disappearance. Oliver dropped his voice into a low rumble, before smacking his lips in satisfaction. It would be poetic, our fans would love it. A last song. A final dance. A performer's death.

You want to disappear before Ha-Eun comes for him. Her eyes had widened then. You want to end it before anyone can.

Maybe.

But the seven of you...Amber blinked, brows furrowed. You're performers...You love performing. You can't just stop. Isn't it...Your dream? Oliver shrugged, making a face, lips twisting into an odd line.

It gives us a high, and sure it's something we miss. But you know what? Dreams change with reality. And sometimes...We have to give up things in exchange for others. When you're young...

You're not old, Liv. Amber playfully swatted his arm and he laughed.

I am when it comes to being an idol. But when you're incredibly young, you can do anything. I could become a singer without worrying about my responsibilities. Non-existent pay? Bad health choices? Impossible dreams? Fuck that. But now...I have to think about what I have to do as an adult. He stroked her lips then, brushed his thumb over her skin and thumbed the dip of her lips. And you know what? Our dreams have changed the higher we climbed.

Amber pursed her lips together, bewitched by his gaze, soft but smouldering with heat.

It used to be more. More money, more fans, more views, more awards, more stages, more tours. More cars. More...I don't know, shoes? He snorted at that shaking his head. Now? I just want a family, and I just want to be with my family. That's all. I missed out on that my whole life. I don't know what it's like to have a loving family. And maybe...I want to be a strawberry farmer.

Amber had choked at that, a giggle bursting through her that made Oliver smile so bright that she swore he'd become the sun. Are you serious? I...I wanted a strawberry farmer soulmate. It had been a forgotten whimsical dream that she only just remembered.

We could move to somewhere beautiful. You could paint to the view of mountains and rivers. And we could have goats, cows and chickens. Maybe horses, they're pretty cute. We could see thousands of stars at night and eat freshly caught fish. And when we feel like it we could do something, a hotel? A restaurant? A shop?

We could do that. Amber grinned.

And Hikaru can fulfil his dreams of being a chef and Ezra can fish all he want. You see? Sometimes, change can be good. So don't cry, my sunshine. Oliver wrapped her in his arms then, pulling her into an embrace that calmed her soul. Things will get better.

He always seemed so much stronger than the rest, the backbone of the team when things went to shit. And he appeared to be the only one functioning properly in their family, or at least the one who was prepared for anything.

Him and Hikaru, the two ensured that they all had their meals, went out for walks and didn't dwell too long on their emotions. Although her cry baby would sometimes turn from the stove to sob into the sink when he thought no one was looking. And her Oliver would falter just a little, lingering a tad too long at the door to watch JieMi sleep.

It broke her heart to see him that way.

It broke her heart to see all of them like this.

The air in their home appeared bitter now, devoid of oxygen and cold with sorrow. Their lips would stretch into soft smiles that were carved from tears and worry. And they were stuck, stuck within an endless loop of solutions in their heads for JieMi's problem. Solutions that would never work without hurting someone in their long list of relations.

Because life fucking sucked.

Society was cruel and the law favoured females when it came to allegations of rape and abuse. JieMi's stardom wouldn't be enough to shield him from pointed fingers and judgemental eyes. In fact, it would tear him down faster than ever. For IDOL had climbed too far and too high up the cliff, and thus they would fall harder than everyone else.

It was just the way the internet worked.