My Soulmates are IDOLS Books 2+3 | 18+ [SoulBond Series]

134: Better

Amber

She didn't know when the nightmares merged with reality.

The two different realms were colliding, crashing, mingling. Imagination with actuality. Imagery with the truth. They mixed like black and white paint. A cocktail of confusion that created a murky grey hue. 

At that moment, her mind had detached from her body and she stood feeling more lost and confused than ever. But also aware of the feeling of deja vu that spread through her system like a slow killing poison.

They circled her, their gaze burning her skin.

Amber was a pessimist.

And she would always be one. In a life as unpredictable as hers, pessimism prepared her. It provided her with the mental ability to cope with the most horrible of situations. It provided her with the ability to accept and breathe through it all. 

To Amber, it was always better to torture herself mentally, than to tortured in reality.

The tears that flowed down her cheeks would be lesser in quantity if mental Amber had already cried once. The wounds to her heart would be a little less severe if she knows when to block the attacks. Her mind would accept any situation if she already knew what to do next. 

Pessimism made her prepared, and in that preparation, Amber was strong. But her pessimism was like a double-edged sword. For while it prepared, it also made her-

The shadows were anonymous, their features swathed in veils of dark shadows.

-Afraid.

She cared a little too much of the consequences of her actions. She cared a little too much about how others viewed her. She cared a little too much about what her every action would do to them.  It made her want to run from because, in her mind, every problem could escalate. 

Everything that was swathed by the shadows of the unknown and hidden from plain sight was to be feared in her world.

She spots the eyes of one. Cold, icy, devoid of emotions. The lips of another stretched into a leering grin filled with disgust.

To Amber, it was better to sail on her boat rather than dive headfirst into the water. There was too much to consider in her pessimistic mind, and so she closed her eyes instead of looking head-on in a single direction. She hadn't understood the implications of how her actions, of how her mistakes, could stack up too high and too fast. But when it did, it was already too late.

Amber, Minnie. Minnie, Amber. She's the girl I was telling you all about! The girl I love!

She stood alone on a swaying high rise made of wooden blocks.

It was easy to topple a tower that was lacking in its foundation. No cement or even the shittiest of glue to hold the fragmented pieces together. A player could pull at a block from the furthest end, clumsily ripping out an important piece to the structure. 

They didn't know it would be her downfall. They didn't know how much it would hurt her. They didn't know that the tower jolted and tilted when they pulled at a piece. How could they when they couldn't feel the tremors beneath her feet? They did not stand by her side and so as the tower toppled, they laughed, and they smiled.

Sieon...You said it was for your girlfriend...

She had struggled to keep the tower from falling. 

She could have fixed it, perhaps. If given the time to put back each brick. If time had stopped at that very moment and she could speak to each member. If she could just explain herself so that the look in their eyes hurt a little less so that their words were not as poisonous. She could have fixed it all together, pushed back each wooden block one by one. But time never stops for anyone.