Can't Be That Wrong

What Are You Thinking?

The team and I all showed up at the station ten minutes later. We all sat down and went over our profile to finalize it. We took a coffee break before delivering our profile. It was then that everything hit me like a ton of bricks. I just made out with a man who was not my husband and had no issue with it until now, two hours later! Of course, that man had to be one of my close friends and boss. What were we thinking? What was I thinking? It was a one time thing, I can't and won't worry. Hotch doesn't do these sorts of things, hopefully. I would need to distance myself from Hotchner, just for a while. That can never happen again. Not if I wanted my marriage to work.

A week later the team and I had wrapped up the case, we were all sitting at our desks bored out of our minds. I was throwing paper balls at Emily and she would throw them back, Morgan was keeping score for us, and Reid was bombarding JJ with facts. We all heard the voice of our stoic leader when he called me into his office.

"Addams, a word." He said as he walked back into his office.

I took a deep breath, hoping this was going to be a discussion about work. This past week I had been so good. I was hyper focused on work, not staying late at the office, and heading straight home pouring all of myself into my daughter and my husband. When Hotch would talk to me I was nothing but professional. If I wasn't working on my marriage before, now I am. I was trying to get my life back on track. I walk into his office, close the door behind me, and take a seat.

"Yes sir?"

He sits down and rests his hand on his chin, "I need to know what you're thinking."

I furrow my brows, "In regards to?"

Hotch cleared his throat, "In regards to what happened in Canada."

"Aa-Hotch, I'm married and I have a daughter, I don't want to be the thing I despise the most. I'm not a cheater, I can't be." I shook my head.

"I-I understand Y/N, I'm not someone who has an affair. I wish things were different; I just wanted to let you know that you don't need to worry. It will never happen again. I never thought I'd be in this position. What we did was not okay, no matter how right it felt." He looked like he was memorizing every centimeter of my face.

"Thank you, Aaron, I wish things were different too. Maybe in a different time and place where our lives weren't so... complex," I huffed.

"Yes, maybe. Oh and before I let you go- I mean leave, the BAU has to attend a charity ball next week. Formal wear and uh, spouses are required if possible. Again, I'm very sorry Addams, if you need anything I'm here. In a purely platonic way." He gave me a quick smile and got back to work

"Thanks, Hotch, I'm still your friend. So don't think I'll go easy on you just because you kissed me!" I laughed while leaving his office.

Two days had gone by and work had gone back to semi-normal, I still couldn't stop thinking about the kiss Hotch and I shared or the many kisses I should say. At home life was still rocky, Andrew started visiting the bars more frequently.

"Andrew! I'm home!" I said as I entered through the door.

"Mommy!" Gracie ran up to me, ready for a hug.

I picked her up and kissed her forehead, "Hey sweetie! Where's daddy?"

"He's upstairs sleeping." She whispered, trying not to wake him.

I was shocked, he just left Gracie unsupervised and who knows for how long, "O-Okay baby, how about we get you ready for bed? I'll read you a story."

"Please!!!" She wiggled out of my arms and ran to her little bookshelf.

I read Grace to sleep and made my way up the stairs to our bedroom. I truly did miss my husband despite everything we've gone through this past year. I needed to get him into some meetings to help with his addictions, maybe some marriage counseling for the two of us, and maybe that would make our marriage even stronger.

"Andrew, honey, wake up. I'm home." I lean down on the bed and kiss his cheek.

His eyes open and he begins to cry. I sit down next to him as he pulls me into his chest, needing to be held.

"What happened, baby?" I hadn't seen him like this in years.

"I just have so much hate and anger inside me. I'm so upset with myself and you and... I'm sorry Y/N. You don't deserve this." My heart hurt for him, for us.

I lifted his chin up so he looked at me, "Hey, babe, listen to me. We are going to work this out, okay? I'm taking tomorrow off work and we're going to get you some help. I'm going to find a marriage counselor and everything. Okay? You're mine, always remember that."

"I love you, Y/N Addams," he whispered.

I sighed and rubbed his back, "I love you too, Andrew Addams."

Guilt, love, and hate all wash over me as I walk out of the room and phone Aaron Hotchner.

He picked up after two rings, he sounded nervous, "Hello? I-Is everything alright Y/N?"

"Hey Hotch, I hate having to do this to you last minute. Can I take tomorrow off?" I said, biting my lip.

"What for, Addams?" He went into work mode.

I paced a bit, "I need to handle some family issues that just came up and it's not gonna get done-"

He finishes my sentence, "Unless you do them, right?"

"Uh, yes that's correct, Sir," I was a bit surprised he knew the position I was in.

"Okay, you have tomorrow off, I hope it helps. Are you going to be okay?" He dropped the formalities.

"Thank you, so much. I will be now..." Even though he couldn't see it, I smiled at the phone.

What am I doing! Pull back, Addams!

"Sleep well Addams and don't forget to breathe," he said, hesitating.

I say goodbye and hang up the phone. I go back to the room and Andrew is in the shower humming. He hasn't hummed in the shower in forever, maybe things are going to get better. I walk into the bathroom and join him in the shower. I gave him a peck on the lips and began to wash his body. There was a change in the air and we both felt it.

This next morning I woke up to an empty bed. I smelled coffee and what I hoped was pancakes, I got dressed and headed downstairs.

"Good morning, Mommy!" Gracie shouted from the living room, still in her pajamas.

I smiled wide, "Good morning my sweet girl! What's for breakfast?"

She was happier than usual, "Daddy said he made your favorite! Chocolate chip pancakes, with bacon, and coffee!"

"Oh, wow! Well, let's go dig in!" I giggle.

Our daughter drags me into the kitchen where Andrew is hard at work. I come up from behind him and place a kiss on his bicep. He turned around and smiled, kissing me on my cheek.

"You did all this for me?" I asked, smiling, we hadn't had a morning like this in forever.

He pecked my lips, "Well last night was amazing, how could I not?"

I lightly slap his chest, "Babe, you're a pig."

"Yeah, but I'm your pig," he chuckled.

The next day I was back at work and glowing. Andrew and I had a lot of work to do, but we scheduled some meetings for him and he was grateful for my help. He even made sure to ask his boss for a couple of extra shifts so I wouldn't have to work as much. Things were looking up.

"What's with the pep in your step, gorgeous?" Emily said, approaching my desk.

"Well, things are looking up, Em! He picked up some extra shifts, he's going to attend meetings to help with his addiction issues, and he even made my favorite breakfast yesterday!" I was giddy and filled with hope.

"That's great, I really hope it sticks! Did you get any?" She wiggled her eyebrows.

"Me too! Get any what?" I stopped for a second, "Emily! Ha! I got plenty! He had his favorite breakfast too."

She and I start to bust out laughing. Then we heard a door slam, it was Hotch's. I really hope we were quiet and he didn't hear our conversation.

New's flash... he did.

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