☀️She's Extraordinary ☀️

...But I Still Love You

"I never knew that you felt this way." Mom said. She inched closer and I backed away.
"I don't want to talk."
"But there's clearly a lot for us to talk about." She wasn't angry anymore, but she was hurt. I went into my room and closed the door.
"Bella, I'm not letting you do this anymore. I'm not letting you walk away and ignore whatever's going on. We're tackling this head-on."
"But I physically cannot talk about it right now."
"Then I'll sit here and wait until you can."
^^^^^^
"Are you ready?"
"Yeah." I put down my water bottle.
"Can I just write it down?" She shook her head.
"Mom, please." She didn't budge.
"Tell me how you feel, then I'll listen and respond if you don't mind." I don't think Mom is gonna love what I have to say.
"Sometimes...the way you treat me hurts my feelings, Mom. You really upset me when I asked if I could dye my hair and then you started talking about how I was dressing differently and about Jake. When Noah wants to talk to you about things he'd like to do and Morgan you're always so happy, but I feel like you're never that way for me. You didn't even bother asking why I was dressing differently or why I wanted to dye my hair or even what's going on with Jake and I sometimes. That one time we did talk about him it was pretty brief. I feel like I can only talk to you about selective things so that you don't get upset. I don't want it to be that way."
"Come here, I'm sorry that I've made you feel like this." She hugged and kissed me.
"You always say how sorry you are but things are still the same. Why don't you treat Noah and I the same? I want the real answer."
"Many, many years ago when I was two years older than you, about 16 I fell in love with one of my mother's students. He was older than me, in his twenties and I couldn't have been more in love. He asked me to marry him even." I was shocked... Mom did all of that?!? But like she's so against that type of stuff.
"Did you say yes?"
"I did and I told my mother that I was leaving and she flew into a rage." I started connecting the dots.
"Is that when you kicked her?" She nodded. She was getting teary-eyed.
"I see parts of myself in you, Bella. Your empathy, independence, fearlessness, and compassion. Not to mention incredible fashion sense." I chuckled.
"And I worry that you too will go down that same path and that isn't what I want for you. So...I end up being harsh, but I know now that I'm just pushing you away and that you're more likely to do something like that if I treat you that way." A lot of things make sense now.
"Mom, you don't have to worry about me doing that. Since I was little you've warned me about predators and which types of relationships and interactions are appropriate and inappropriate. That age difference is just...wrong. You don't have to worry."
"I'm still going to though bear, I worry about all of you guys all of the time." She ran her fingers through my hair.
"And I want you to know that I'm going to work on not projecting because I don't want us to have a bad relationship. Is there anything else that you think we should do moving forward?"
"What if we like....made some rules?"
"Rules?"
"Yeah, like things we should always remember."
"That's a good idea." Mom grabbed a sheet of paper from my desk.
"Give me one."
"What if we agreed to always voice how we feel."
"I like that one. Can I add one?"
"Yep!"
"What about...we agree to be good listeners. Even when we may not love the topic of conversation. Especially when it's about chores."
"Mommy!" We both laughed.
"Let's add one more."
"Just be understanding and know that I'm growing up and it doesn't mean that things are taking a turn for a worse. That's good for now. We can add more as we go."
"That sounds great." We hung the list up in my room.
"Alright, now that we've talked everything out...this morning. What was that?"
"That wasn't my proudest moment.." I admitted.
"I just felt like you were judging me a lot, but I'm just trying to explore what kinds of clothes make me feel good in my body. Cursing at you was not the way to go though."
"I agree, and me yelling did not help. Did you get dress coded?" I shook my head.
"I don't love the ultra-short skirts, but I could get over it a bit. If you talk to me about you and Jake more." I smiled. She listened.
"I could do that."
"Before that though-" uh-oh.
"You're grounded for cussing me out this morning. That was not okay. I can't believe that you thought that you could just do that and leave. You had me worried and baffled. You don't ever curse at an adult. Especially your mother."
"I know, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." She forgave me and we proceeded to talk more about Jake and I. I felt heard and closer to my mother than I ever did before. Even though I was super angry at her, I still love her.
"Then show that you're sorry, Bella." She makes a good point.
"And, I promise to always be honest about what's going on and how I'm feeling."
"I'd appreciate that. So...what happened at school today?" I sighed.
"These girls have been picking on me since the first day so I might've told them that their boyfriend was cheating on one of them with the other."
"Bella!" We both laughed.
"I guess they had it coming, didn't they? I wish you would've told me, bear."
"I know. I won't be doing that again. Detention sucks and I missed my club meeting."
"Well, I'm glad that you learned your lesson. If they ever bother you again, tell me. I'm glad that we got to talk."
"Me too."
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854 Madison Ave (5:45 AM) (Oct.20th) (Hannah's Perspective)
This is the longest 5 minutes of my life. I paced back and forth in my bathroom as I waited. I'm gonna throw up. This is too much. I shouldn't even be doing this right now. I'm only 13. I made my way back to the counter with my hand covering my eyes. I picked it up gently and brought it close to my face. No, no. This can't be. MY PARENTS ARE GOING TO KILL ME! I began hyperventilating and crying.
"What am I going to do? What am I going to do? I'm in so much trouble." I looked at my phone and opened my contacts. Should I tell someone? Or should I keep this to myself? I for sure can't tell Mom and Dad. I'm not sure if I can tell the girls because everything is awkward after that fight in the hallway. I began crying again. I don't know what to do right now.
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My Bedroom (6:01 AM) (Bella's Perspective)
"Wait, slow down. Slow down, slow down." I rubbed my eyes and pulled the phone closer. It's 6 am...
"Please, Bella. Please just meet me in the girl's bathroom on the first floor before first period." Hannah said in the middle of tears. Even though we're not on the best of terms right now, I'll always be there for her. She needs a friend right now.
"Okay, I'm going to get ready right now. Just meet me in the last stall. I'll get there soon, okay?"
"Okay, Bell. Please hurry."
^^^^^^^^
I looked under the stall before knocking.
"Hey." I said. Her eyes were red and I mean super red. This is bad, isn't it?
"Hey." She replied.
"What's wrong? Why'd you call me so early in the morning?" I asked. She pulled out something from her bag and handed it to me. A pregnancy test? What is she doing with that? I observed it. Oh...it's positive.
"This is yours?" She nodded before bursting into tears.
"It's okay-"
"No, it's not. I don't know what to do! I don't even know why I told you, I just. I don't know. Just never mind-" She tried to leave and I stopped her.
"No, you don't have to go through this alone. I'll help you. Does Knox know? Is it his?"
"It could only be his. I haven't told him." It was unbeknownst to me that she was even sleeping with him. Then again we weren't friends for like a month.
"Are you going to?" She shrugged.
"Do you want to?"
"Not really, Bella, it's fine you don't have to worry."
"You're one of my best friends. It's my job to worry." So how do we go from here?
"W-We should tell an adult."
"I can't tell my parents, they're going to kill me! What part of that don't you understand?!" She whispered.
"Okay, uhh... What about my Mom? She could help."
"If we tell her she's going to tell my parents." This is so stressful. I paused and looked straight at Hannah.
"You haven't been to a doctor, right?" She shook her head vehemently.
"I know what to do. But you're gonna have to trust me, okay?"

To be continued~