School's Back In Sesh (10th Grade)

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1065 5th Ave. (Tuesday, Sept. 12th) (7:55 AM) (Bella's Perspective)
Summer's over. I had a pretty good summer if you exclude me being grounded at the end. I'm so tired from the last couple of days that I don't even want to go in, but I also am dying to escape this prison and be with my friends. Oh, and take psych!

A couple of days ago...
"Jake, stop mauling my neck." I said, ever so slightly tipsy.
"Why? You like it every other time."
"Because, if Kathleen sees me with this, she's gonna f-r-e-a-k." The world was spinning a little, but in a good way, I felt happy. Mom and El couldn't bother me, life was good.
"Eww! Stop making out!" Autumn said while giggling.
"W-Where's the bottle?" Clara asked.
"We neeeeedd moreee." I don't want this to end. I don't want to go home. I don't want to go anywhere. I don't want to think about anything ever again.

End of flashback*

I finished up my makeup, putting on blush and highlighter before putting on some setting spray. I don't have class first period, so I don't have to rush.
"Bell, I made you and Noah breakfast!" I headed to Kathleen's kitchen, where her boyfriend was there with her. Noah was busy spraying himself with AXE, which by the way, gives me a headache.
"You look amazing, Bell." I smiled. I love Kathleen, and I'm not mad at her per se, just this predicament.
"Thanks." She hugged me and Noah and left swiftly. It was quiet at the table.
"Bella, where have you been going?"
"Paisley's."
"Right. Yet your breath reeks of Bacardi and you have hickeys.."
"Hey, you can't say anything. You smoke with your friends and I don't snitch on you." He sighed.
"Please just don't do anything stupid. Don't make me have to tell Mom."
"Oh dear Noah, you worry too much." We heard a knock at the door.
"Mom? What are you doing here?" I asked.
"It's the first day of school, I had to at least see you guys off." Jesus. Fuck my life. Can't she just go away?!
****************
Kathleen's Guest Room (Olivia's Perspective)
"Bella, what's going on?"
"Nothing, I'm fine. I need to finish my makeup." Okay...
"Hey, Noah!"
"Hey, uhh, I don't need to be dropped off today, I'm riding with Ace."
"Noah?!"
"Thanks for lunch!"
"Noah, don't you dare take a step out of this house." He sighed.
"What do you mean you're riding with Ace?"
"You know how like.. everyone else has their licenses? Well, his parents got him a car, unlike some people I know..."
"Noah, cars are a huge responsibility. Elliot and I aren't just going to give you a car willy-nilly."
"Fine. But look he's outside. I gotta go, Mom."
"I don't like this idea."
"We'll be fine, Mom! Gotta go!" I sighed as he left the apartment.
"Bella, I could drop you off to school."
"I dunno.."
"Come on, for old time's sake? I could get Pais and Hannah?"
"I wanted to meet with my friends. I can't...talk about stuff with you around."
"Bell.."
^^^^^^^
The Car
The car ride was silent. Besides the silence, something felt off with Bella. It showed in the way she carried herself almost. I noticed she had a bottle of Advil in her hands.
"Cramps?" I know she gets them, and that she's moody then too.
"No, headache."
"Drink more water." I pulled up in front of Avenues.
"Have a great first day, remember who you are and what you stand for!" She left quietly and the moment she saw her friends she became talkative. I'm gonna figure this out.
****************
Lower Manhattan (8:32 AM) (Bella's Perspective)
"Mmm, something about an everything bagel with butter soothes the soul." Clara said with a quick smile. Me, Clara, Autumn, and Paisley don't have a first period this year. Soo...we can sleep in and catch breakfast together in the morning!"
"You're so plain Jane when it comes to your bagels!" Autumn said.
"I mean a buttered bagel is a classic, but she's right."
"You guys are always attacking me!" We all giggled.
"So, guys, who's trying out for the volleyball team?!?" Paisley asked.
"I totally am! We all should. It'll be new and fun."
"And we'll also get to see the boys when they have to change for basketball!" Autumn squealed.
"Oh gosh.." I said.
"WHAT?!" 10th grade is the time to figure things out. If you're in a club, you gotta figure start working your way up so it beefs up your college apps. If you haven't started something, you gotta start now. There's so much pressure to be involved and it's tricky when it overlaps with the things I love. I know, I'm in two clubs and stuff but there are people like interning with NASA and stuff or whatever, their parents hooking them up with cool jobs, and I feel less than.
"Bell, what do you think?"
"Umm... I don't know..."
^^^^^^^^^^
Psychology (12:30 PM)
I decided to take psych as a social science because it was interesting, and also...maybe I could use what I learn in this class to outsmart my therapist and my parents. Downside to this choice: I'm all alone. I couldn't even get Jake to take this class and he claims he wants to understand my brain more.
"Good morning, young lady. You're just in time. Please take a seat." Ms. Doboroski said. I looked around the room. Fuck it's full. There was one open seat next to this girl I'd never seen before. This is great.
"Alright class, welcome to psychology!" She proceeded to tell us how the class would go with only a few major assignments and my fave: pop quizzes :/. She proceeded to show us a jar with a brain in it.
"Well, this type of crazy you don't see every day." The girl next to me said.
"Right?"
"I did not sign up for this. I wanted to learn crazy not see crazy." We chuckled and another girl did too.
"Hey, what's your name?"
"Bella. What's yours?"
"Cara."
"That's a pretty name."
"Thanks." We continued to crack jokes during class, which helped ease my mind a bit.
***************
Yogurtworld (East 75th Street) (Jake's Perspective)
"What'd you guys think?"
"Math is gonna suck this semester, I can feel it." Ethan said.
"I think we'll be fine. We have Bella and Pais." Matt said, with Paxton agreeing.
"We're not your personal calculators." Bella said.
"This year we're gonna be like, the best versions of ourselves ever. We girls are gonna do volleyball and volunteer. All that good stuff." Bella was a bit mum, which was weird.
"Psych was good. I loved it. The teacher's kooky though."
"That's why I didn't do psych. I love you Bell, but the brain seems boring." Clara said.
"It's interesting though, understanding people." We all started to go our separate ways, leaving me with Bella. The most alone time we get is after school, especially in the beginning before sports start back up.
"What's the plan today?" I asked.
"Can we get more vodka from your Dad's?"
"Nah, he'll know for sure. Why don't we just do something chill, like we can do homework and watch a movie or something." She sort of sighed.
"What's wrong?"
"I dunno. We've just, had so much fun these last couple of days-"
"But now it's school, so we can't go crazy. Besides, we need to get busy. We have to choose our volunteer projects and stuff. I really wanna go to Dartmouth, and I heard it looks good on your apps."
"Bella?"
"Yeah, I'm gonna do a community service one at the mental health centers with little kids. I've been where they are and I wanna help them, I guess." We made our way to my room to chill and Bella still seemed to be staring into space. She was like half-zombie almost.
"Are you okay?"
"I dunno, I have a lot on my mind, with the person having a hit out on my family, school, activities, and stuff."
"Nothing concerning your past?"
"No, just life at the moment, I guess." I rubbed her back.
"Thanks for like..telling me." She let out a short smile. Bella has been through so much, and she usually has a hard time even admitting that she feels off, so the fact that she even said something is nice. I feel like I love her even more right now.
"Wanna talk about it?"
"No, let's just pick a movie. It's your pick!" I hope she's okay.
***************
Avenues: The World School (Sept 20th) (1:05 PM) (Bella's Perspective)
"Today, we'll be talking about coping mechanisms." My psychology teacher said.
"Can someone define them for me?"
"Something that you use or do to help you deal with a problem in your life." Sean said.
"Perfect, that's right. Each and every one of us has a coping mechanism. Any examples?"
"Watching a show?"
"Taking a nap."
"Eating a tub of chocolate brownie ice cream." We all related to that one.
"Spot on! It's okay to cope with these things to an extent, but things can happen if you take it too far. Too much ice cream causes a tummy ache, napping can make you miss things, and too much TV can make you fall behind in school. And these are just the more harmless things."
"I guess tequila isn't harmless then." Cara muttered.
"Nor is vodka." I added.
"You get me." Cara and I have been having a blast talking to each other. We like the same shows and share some hobbies. That's enough to make us fast friends. She makes psych even more fun.

"When the brain gets a hold of these mechanisms, it releases dopamine and lowers stress. The brain doesn't see over-indulging in these mechanisms as intrinsically bad, but rather like a reward."

"This is important guys, write this down. It'll be on your next test."
******************
Tribeca Therapy (185 6th Ave) (Dr. Turner's Perspective)
"Bella, it's been a while."
"Yeah, summer and stuff." She held on to her favorite pillow.
"What's gone on since I last saw you?"
"Well, we went to Italy, came back, and my parents decided to foster a little girl, Madelyn." I pulled out my notepad.
"That's a lot to take in, in a short amount of time. Changing family dynamics. How do you feel about that?."
"Fine. I mean I went through it with Elliot and Leia and everything was okay. It's just, I kind of have to babysit more, even with Lucy around, just cause."
"That's a lot when you're barely even 15, especially when you have dance, school, and your friends."
"Not really." Bella started to look around the room. A sign that she was uncomfortable. I might have to approach this from another angle.
"How's school going? Your friends?"
"School's okay so far, it's just a bit stressful because we have to do our community service projects and everyone wants to do something geared towards their career, while I'm just there. I'm just doing it because it looks good on my college apps."
"Well, let's talk about that-"
"I just look stupid because I don't know what I'm going to do with my life and if I don't figure it out me being here, Mom adopting me, rescuing me would have been for nothing."
Bella...there's no rush in figuring out what you want to do with your life. Most people don't even know until further down the line."
"Doesn't feel like it."
"Bella-"
"Can we talk about something else? This is dumb."
"Your feelings aren't dumb. We all feel them, and the reasons for feeling them are valid."
"But other people say they aren't." Her eyes glistened as she said those last two words.
"It's just easier to ignore them, push them away, and do something...else." She fidgeted.
"And what is that?"
*********************
The Kitchen (3:21 AM) (5th Ave.) (Bella's Perspective)
I opened the door to the cabinet. There was a lot to choose from. Whiskey, tequila, wine (Mom's favorite), and vodka. I slowly opened the bottle of vodka, trying not to wake Elliot or the girls up.
"Just a little bit more." I started to make my way back up to my bedroom. When I heard footsteps behind me.
"Bella? What are you doing up, bear?" Oh no, it's mom...
"I just wanted water from the fridge." She adjusted her robe.
"Okay, sweetheart." She kissed my forehead and gave me a quick hug, her arm grazing the plastic water bottle filled with vodka.
"I love you, sleep well."
"Love you too, Mom."
"It smells a bit strong, that's weird." She whispered.
"Probably Dad?"
"Probably." I shuffled off to my room and closed the door. Fuck, that was close. I made myself a little vodka cranberry minus the ice, which hurt going down, but nothing could hurt more than the thoughts racing through my head at the moment.

This is the only thing that makes me happy.

Why is that?

Why do I secretly love it?

Why do I want more?

To be continued.....

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