☀️She's Extraordinary ☀️

Revisiting

Aunty Amanda's Room (11:25 PM) (Bella's Perspective)
Aunty Amanda and Uncle Carisi let me shower and clean up before talking to them. They're lifesavers. Truly.
"All done with your shower?"
"Yeah." I was wearing one of Jesse's oversized sweaters and a pair of Amanda's old shorts. Pretty much what I wear to bed anyways.
"You had us concerned there."
"I know, I'm sorry. Tonight hasn't been good, and I lied to my Mother just now on top of it which makes things so much better." I played with the scar on my arm.
"So you weren't hanging out with your friends?" Uncle Carisi asked.
"Well, I was with a friend. I don't know if she's still that. We were at a party. Lucy knows that's where I was, but Mom doesn't."
"The party didn't go well, did it?" I shook my head.
"Hey, Sonny, why don't you go and make some of that tea you were telling us about? 3 cups." He left and she closed the door.
"Were you set up at that party?!? Bella, I told you-"
"Please don't yell, no I wasn't set up. I wasn't."
"Did you drink?"
"A little. I'm not even tipsy."
"Okay, I'll continue to yell at you after. Tell me everything."
"I went to the party with Clara, I think you met her...we got there and it was okay in the beginning but then she started drinking a lot and getting crazy... like really crazy. She started dancing on people and they were trying to take her top off, and she was asking the host, Cody, to sleep with her. Everyone was mad because she was annoying them so me and this other guy tried to take her home. Then she started saying I was boring and embarrassing her and we argued...and then." I sighed.
"When I tried to talk to her about how she was acting she said, just because...you were raped as a kid doesn't mean you have to overanalyze everything...and I've never felt so hurt. I know she was drunk but...."
"That doesn't make it hurt any less." I nodded.
"I didn't wanna talk to Mom about it because I shouldn't have been there anyway, and I knew that, and I didn't want her to hate Clara or anything." Aunty Amanda thought for a moment.
"Whether you believe it or not, you were a good friend tonight. Some girls wouldn't stick by their friends like that, so you did a good job. About what she said, two things-" She hugged me.
"You have come very far, so let's try not to let this moment reset everything you've done to heal. I want you to write about your feelings and tell your therapist about what happened, okay?" I nodded.
"Do you think that part of you could've been triggered by her behavior?"
"Well.....I-I didn't love that she was drunk, you know that scares me, but the second those guys started to feel up on her I just wanted to protect her. She's one of my best friends. I also said some mean things though...I guess I was triggered somewhat."
"It's good that you can say that. That's good, Bella." I wiped a tear.
"Did she mean what she said?"
"Bella, that's hard to tell right now, blueberry. Alcohol lowers your inhibitions, so it causes you to be chatty and say things you don't mean, and it also causes you to say things you do mean. The best thing to do is just wait until the morning and go from there."
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The Blue Dog (West 50th Street) (Olivia's Perspective)
"Hey, guys!"
"Heyy." Amanda, Carisi, and the kids came over and sat down.
"Where's Elliot?"
"He had to work overnight. Sting operation. He sent his apologies."
"Comes with the job." I found it quite suspicious that Bella decided to go by Amanda's rather than come home. Is she already starting to hide things again? I watched as she talked to Jesse.
"It's been a minute since we've all been here like this together."
"I missed you, Uncle Carisi! Lots and lots!" Leia said.
"I wanna go camping again!" Billie said.
"Yeah, can we go again?" The little girls pleaded.
"We'll think about it. So, what has everyone been up to?"
"Well, I joined the French club at school," Jesse told us.
"Ooh, la-la."
"I love it. I love French too! I feel so fancy whenever I speak it."
"Well, then you should practice with Liv, Noah, and Bella. They can speak it too."
"That's cool!"
"I can speak French only a little bit," Leia said while gesturing with her hands.
"But you've been practicing and you're gonna learn so much, more. Right?" Leia nodded cutely.
"Liv, have you gotten around to finishing that show I told you about?" Carisi asked energetically.
"You had all night."
"No...look, I'm on episode 2."
"Mom's horrible when it comes to shows," Noah said.
"If one of us doesn't watch it with her, it'll never get done." Everyone at the table laughed.
"I just...have a bad attention span sometimes...and I have 4 kids to take care of."
"But Eli is at Kathy's," Leia said.
"Not helping!" I tickled her.
"Just give me two weeks."
"You wanna bet I could finish the whole series in a week?" Bella asked.
"Why is everyone against me?!?" I asked.
^^^^^^^^^^^
1 Halsey Path (Southampton)
The kids and I decided to go to L.I. for the weekend.
"Mommy, can I go by Ella's?"
"Yes, let me just call her mom first, okay?"
"Kay, Mom!" Leia rushed inside. Bella was the last to get out of the car.
"Not so fast, young lady." She sighed.
"I knew you'd do this."
"Mhm."
"Why didn't you want to come home last night?" I asked as we went into the kitchen. She grabbed a water bottle.
"Bella? I'm not angry at you, I'm just worried because when you do things like that, there's usually a reason... and it's not a good one. If we're going to be best friends there has to be a certain level of communication."
"Yeah, you're right." Once she realized I wasn't upset, she got less tense.
"What happened last night?"
Promise you won't tell Dad?"
"Depends on what you did."
Fair enough. I went to a party last night." I raised my eyebrows.
"A party? I thought you were going to the bumper cars place."
"I know, let me explain. Clara wanted to go to the party so I went with her and we promised to look after each other but then she started drinking and dancing on random guys and nearly had her top taken off by one of them. She tried to sleep with the host, got kicked out, I had to drag her out, she called me boring, and I yelled at her because I just wanted her to be safe..."
"Then what?"
"She was like...just because you were raped as a kid doesn't mean you have to overanalyze everything and I got upset and I was scared you'd be mad so I went to Amanda's. That's all, I swear." I put down the car keys.
"Oh, Bell... I'm sorry that she said that to you." I hugged her. She's been doing so well. I know this'll affect her deeply.
"I just wanna know if she meant it. Do you think she did?"
"Sometimes alcohol makes us say things that we do mean, honey. You won't truly know until you talk to her. I'm sorry that happened. I wish you would've texted me and let me know you were going there first, but I'm glad you talked to someone at that moment. I'm proud of you, you know that?" I nodded.
"And I love you. No matter what."
"Are you mad that I lied to you?"
"Yes...but don't ruin a good moment, I'll deal with you later."
"I think you just ruined it, Mom." I rolled my eyes. Bella left to go take a nap and I got up to get some water. I opened the door to see Leia against the wall, with her hands cupped around her ears.
"Stop being so snoopy," Bella commented.
"Lei, what're you doing here?" I asked her. She bowed her head.
"Eavesdropping isn't polite, you know that."
"Mommy, it's true that Bella was raped?" Leia asked. Leia and I have had that conversation about assault and the different types. Leia knows that Bella was assaulted like her, but she never knew the extent...until now. I took her into my bedroom.
"Yes...it's true."
"You said you put those bad guys away, why aren't you helping Bella with it? Like you helped me." Leia was confused and she looked teary-eyed.
"Bella is hurt, you gotta help her! Why did you just let her go to her room?"
"Lei, Leia, listen to me, that happened to Bella a really long time ago, before you were even born. I helped Bella, I put those bad guys away."
"You did?"
"Yep, just like I did for you." She paused.
"So I'm not the only one who gets sad...about it. Bella too?" I nodded.
"Yes, Bella too. You know, Leia, it's okay to get sad about it from time to time, a really bad thing happened. Do you feel sad about it sometimes?"
"Yeah, but I don't tell Mommy or Daddy because I should be a happy girl, not a sad girl. I only tell Dr.N."
"Pumpkin..." Leia started to cry uncontrollably.
"Leia, if you feel sad, you can always talk to Daddy and me or Bella too if you'd like.. Always. We will always listen, you don't have to hide it from us. And, you don't need to be a happy girl all the time. Nobody is happy all the time, everyone gets sad and it's okay. Okay?" She nodded.
"It's just a lot of times, you and Daddy aren't here. So I can't talk to you."
"So then write in the journal, the special one I gave you, and leave it right on my desk so I could see it and write to you when I do come home. Okay? Let's start doing that. What do you think?" She nodded sadly. Leia's listening, more than we think, and she's starting to have more complex feelings. She's starting to become...secretive. She understands what it means to be secretive. She's growing up.
"And Lei?"
"Yeah?"
"If you ever feel uncomfortable, like Bella did at the party, somewhere, or with someone. If you get butterflies, bad butterflies. You tell me or Daddy. Okay? Don't keep it to yourself." Leia nodded seriously.
"Good girl."
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My "Room" (Bella's Perspective)
It's 2 PM and crickets. Literal crickets. I told Hannah and Pais what happened, they're not happy. I don't know how to feel. Clara is an amazing friend, but if she meant that, then she isn't my friend, is she?

Clara: What happened last night?
Clara: Did I do something?
Clara: you haven't texted me ALL day.

She doesn't even remember it.

What the fuck.