10| New neighbour

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I bent down holding my knees as my breaths come out in harsh pants

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I bent down holding my knees as my breaths come out in harsh pants.

I take a look at my Apple Watch and shake my head seeing I ran extra miles again from my daily goal.

I walk towards the lake in the park and sit near a tree, leaning my head against the bark, I close my eyes trying to breath evenly.

Once my breathing returns to normal, I bring my knees upto my chest and look at the lake ahead, the early morning sun rays glistening on the still waters, making it almost appear like a glass.

Just last week I was here having a breakdown about the mishaps of my life, and today here I am with an extra one.

I am married now.

I groan holding my head in my hands, I can't blame this on anyone, not even Dr. Khanzada. He was so determined to not let this happen, but of course I had to chicken out.

Simply because the idea of someone hurting him did not sit right with me.

I had never talked to him before until the trip, yet I haven't felt so safe with anyone. But that doesn't mean I had to marry him.

It hadn't clicked me until I stayed wide awake on my hotel bed, that I am now married.

I had a full blown panic attack in the middle of the night in the hotel bathroom, the weight of the situation finally fell on me and I couldn't stop the panic crying session, all the while keeping my voice low so that I couldn't wake up Abbie or Meltem, lucky for me they both were so tired from travelling and trekking that they slept through the apocalypse.

And I haven't told anyone about it. No one. Not even Abbie, who is already suspicious about it, on our last day of trip, I shook it off blaming it on the hormones.

And when I came back home from the trip, I felt like I was hiding a sin from my family.

Everytime my mom asks me about the trip, A stone sits heavy on my chest. Somehow I always dodge the topic. After my broken engagements, my mom walks on a eggshell near me, she lets me be in my shell and does not force me to say anything to her.

She and everyone else in my house respects my boundaries and hiding such a big thing worsens the guilt evenmore.

It's wrong I know, I should talk to someone about it, but whenever I try to talk, the words sit right on the top of my tongue, but it doesn't come out.

Uf Allah I am such a coward.

To check any loop holes, I had also checked our wedding certificate, researching the Internet thoroughly for fake certificates, and to my very luck, it was real. Everything was real. And no one knows about it.

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