26| The guilt

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Keeping the last cup on the dish rack, I wipe my hands with a kitchen towel and walk outside the kitchen, my steps rushed hearing the sounds of last our guests leaving

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Keeping the last cup on the dish rack, I wipe my hands with a kitchen towel and walk outside the kitchen, my steps rushed hearing the sounds of last our guests leaving.

Trying to cool off the rush on my face, I stop at the foyer, watching Dr. Khanzada talking with my brother and Bilal bhai at the door step.

Irhaa and Hasnain had left an hour ago, since Hajra baji hadn't visited us in so long, bhabhi insisted she stayed a little longer, but as the clock hit eleven, bhabhi started to fight her sleep, so Hajra baji and bhai made her to go to bed, as sleep is essential for her health.

After a quick rounds of coffees, everyone started to take their leaves, Hajra baji had bid us bye and went ahead to settle her children in the car first, hearing the three men talking outside, I quickly washed the cups and raced outside to get a glimpse of him.

Even if it was for a second, I was desperate for it. Something about watching him out of his teaching element hits different, weather it's his natural hairs which isn't styled back like he does when he goes to college, or when the glasses comes out, or the way he looks so comfortable in his lounge wear instead of those sweaters or button up he usually wears.

Looking at him through the window doesn't justifies.

Just as I reach the aclove near the main door, I catch a glimpse of him laughing throwing his head back at something Bilal bhai said and my breathing is hitched.

If it were to be practical, I would bottle that laugh and open it on my most gloomy days. His laugh, his face, his hairs, his eyes.

I feel a rush butterflies swimming inside me, why does it feel like watching your crush from afar?

As if feeling eyes on him, his eyes skid over my brother's shoulder, looking around for a second, his eyes locks with mine.

I bite my lip and give him a small wave. A barely there smile tugs on his lips, he shakes his head and bids his goodbye with my brother and Bilal bhai before looking at me again and then walks away from the porch.

Shaking my head, realising I have been behaving like a teenager, I walk inside and check the living room and dining room for any mess left to clean.

Finding none, I go to my parents room to take Ahad who most probably must be asleep by now to take him to his room, bhai had his room ready a long time ago, but he couldn't let go his son to sleep alone, and now that Ahad is starting preschool next week, bhabhi insisted they start independent sleep training.

I knock on the door and enter inside, finding my mother seated on the bed, her one hand tapping Ahad's chest in a soothing rhythm, while my father was praying his salah.

I smile and approach her, she smiles looking at me, silently awing at my baby, I mouth her a goodnight and gently take Ahad in my arms, making sure his blankets are covering him well, I grab the baby monitor to set up in his room and leave my parents room.

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