Coming for your heart

Chapter 95

Eren POV

Back in his room Eren rested his exhausted bones on the small bed, groaning when he felt his muscles ache and the pain his transformation had left behind. Mikasa was still working and for once Eren was glad that she wasn't there to fuss over him.

She had told him about how Connie and Sasha had already left the palace the night she had told them to do so. It pained Eren that he hadn't gotten to say goodbye to his friends for he couldn't possibly say when he would see them again.

He rolled around on his mattress. Outside the afternoon greeting the darkness of the night with red and orange light, kissing the day goodbye. He groaned and couldn't help but wonder if his old bed would be any better than this poor excuse of one.

Well...there was only one way to find out.

Not a single soul was in the hallways – unusual but Eren wasn't going to complain. He took the stairs up to his room and smiled sadly at the memory of sneaking up late at night when Zeke had taken him outside to go on a ride with one of the stallions of his father.

He did miss those nights, far away from Grisha's painful lessons and his scolding, hateful words. Zeke had tried to protect him. To defend him even if it only resulted in getting hit. Eren regretted that he had never realized what his older brother had done for him.

Standing in front of his wooden door, he swallowed down the longing for a time long gone. He had a future to concentrate on and it wouldn't to him well to dwell on the past. Soon enough everything would become clear.

They would get what they fought for so hard.

He entered the room, inhaling the scent of iron and wood mixed with something that reminded him harshly of the rainy nights he had spent sitting in the alcove next to his window. Now there was no sound but the soft brushes of wind against glass and the creaking of floorboards underneath him.

The bed was still the same, sheets crumpled in one corner.

"Stop it! Please!"

He flinched. Eren clenched his lips and inhaled deeply, resenting the helpless feeling overcoming his strongly pounding heart. It was in the past. It couldn't hurt him anymore. He had survived it.

Step by step, he moved closer, taking a look at the blood splattered on the soft surface. Some part of him wanted to run. To escape. To do what he hadn't been able to do back then. He did what he was best at – stop listening.

He knelt down on the bed and made a startled sound when he saw the tiny ears of a small bunny next to one of the pillows. The eyes were small and staring at nothing, the fur on it surprisingly clean, void of any blood. Eren grabbed it with shaking hands and sat down on the bed, eyes locked on the small animal.

Maybe his mother had given it to him. Maybe Zeke. It had been his favorite toy and he remembered carrying it around with him everywhere. His mother had laughed about it and told him to take good care of his bunny.

Eren swallowed down the tears threatening to overcome him. Suddenly he wanted nothing more than to feel his mother's hugs again. To have her wrap her warm arms around his body, drawing him close without the intention to ever let him go again.

A small sob escaped his mouth and he pressed a hand over his mouth. He was in his room. His home. But his mother would never ever again come here to tell him that it was time to sleep. She would never bring him treats or...or give him small kisses on his cheek or remind him to wash himself.

He was grown up by now.

But her absence was a great hole in his heart and it had been there since the day he had to bury her, leaving her body to rot in the cold earth. He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth while tears ran down his cheeks, hot and wet and uncomfortable like the loneliness that plagued him.