changes

chapter 8.

TRIGGER WARNING!!!! Mention of eating/body/emotional disorders‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

So don't read if that will affect you negatively!!!! I do not want to see any disrespectful comments because I told you from the start!!!!

Please do what is best for you physical and mental health!!!!

If you wanna read the rest of the chapter uhhhhh start scrolling to where you see a bunch of pink heartssssssssss!!!
_________

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　
chapter 8
rule 8. don't go backwards...unless it's Aman
4am in NYC
Kori's POV

I had been awake all night. Did I have to wake up for school in 2-3 hours? Maybe...

But why go to sleep when I can stay up and watch movies and eat food.

See it's not an issue of me not LIKING food. It's just an issue of me not wanting to eat. Sometimes I just go downstairs in the kitchen and just wanna starve myself. There's plenty of food in the fridge I just don't wanna eat it.

But I loveeeeee food. It's so good. I just like to starve myself for some odd reason.

I mean, it's not like I'm anorexic. I don't starve myself and go crazy about my weight or diet. Or have bulimia and binge on a whole bunch of food at once in secret even though I want to be smaller.

Because to be honest, whether I starve myself or eat a whole bunch of food I don't gain or lose weight.

💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

I decided that it was getting late and I should brush my teeth before watching the rest of my movies.

So I put my snacks away in my nightstand, got up from my bed and my vision went hazy and I stumbled. Almost falling but I got right back up.

This is absolutely nothing new.

I walked out of my room and into the bathroom. We had 2.5 bathrooms in our house.

One half bathroom downstairs for guests and stuff.

A bathroom on this floor for my parents. And then another bathroom that I have to share with Jamely.

I went in there and brushed my teeth before hearing a knock on the door.

"Kori why are you brushing your teeth this early in the morning?"

"I just woke up and-"

"Kori quit playing with me. Take your ass to bed. Up all night on that phone." My mom hissed her teeth and I rushed to finish brushing my teeth before leaving the bathroom.

Look...usually I would just ignore her and keep using my phone. But I should get some sleep.

So I made sure my alarms were on and tried to go to sleep.

I feel like the worst part of going to sleep is the part of trying to go to sleep.

Everytime I try to go to sleep all of the worst things I know come to mind.

Maybe a nightmare from when I was younger.

A fear I still haven't gotten over.

A bad event during school.

Or even a boy who you still like even though his intentions in the beginning weren't pure.

I couldn't fall asleep.

So I sat back up in bed and connected my earphones to my phone.

I started playing Eventually by Tame Impala and that shit hit me like a brick.

I really really wanna talk to him. Maybe his intentions weren't that serious. It has been like two weeks since the situation, he needs to leave my mind.

Since that moment I haven't been exactly happy. I was kind of getting my happiness from seeing him at lunch, through the halls, and texting/talking to him.

But I also haven't been sad.

I don't know the word to express how I'm feeling right now.

But I haven't been helping him to leave either in these two weeks.

I still sit at lunch and look at him.

Fuck it I'll text him. He's probably not gonna respond anyways.

me- hey

So you can believe my astonishment when I got a text almost instantly.

aman- hey

me- I wasn't expecting you to answer. It's way early.

aman- couldn't sleep, how about you?

me- couldn't sleep either

aman- why

me- nothing

aman- no need to lie😕

me- it's not like I'd be willing to tell you anyways lmaoooo

aman- ok🙃
aman- you gonna pull an all-nighter?

me- idk! maybe just fall asleep to my music or something.

aman- what song you listening to right now
aman- I'm listening to used to J.I

me- eventually, tame impala
me- give me ur playlist

aman- gimme yours then

me- got you!

after this we ended up texting about music and school and random things. As if nothing even happened.

It lowkey hurt me because I knew he didn't see me that way. But I also just wanted to cling on to the little piece of him that I have left.

Even if it isn't a romantic relationship.

I know it's stupid. I like him and he doesn't like me. He did me dirty and I'm kind of going backwards.

I'm allowed to make dumb decisions. The one time I'll use the young and dumb saying.

The difference is that I know that what I'm doing is probably stupid.

That's why I'm not telling Samir, Carmen or Willow.

me- tbh we could be friends if you want
me- I'm willing to forget

aman- you sure? it wasn't right though....

me- I know

aman- but you like me, and I don't really see you like that
aman- I don't wanna break your heart

I should've taken that as my exact for mf evidence as to why I shouldn't pursue this again.

me- I'll be okay😸

aman- you sure?

me- promise

aman- aight well it's about time to get up for school
aman- I'll see you there

me- yeah we're not gonna be able to talk in school

aman- damn why
aman- ???

me- Willow don't like you because of what you did
me- Samir said he's willing to beat your ass
me- not a very good place to talk to me

aman- damn you just told all of your many friends😱😱

me- hahaha you're so funny
me- gth

aman- LMAOOOO
aman- good morning kori

me- good mornnnn

I had 40 minutes before I was supposed to get up.

And When I tried to fall asleep yet again I was out almost instantly.

~<^•*>^~.•°*++<*.•

Kori is a little silly girl!!!!!

tell me what ya thinkinnn🌐💕

votingggg and commentinggg!!!!