SATAN'S CHILD

CHAPTER 31

I should have never fell in love with him. From the beginning, he already told me that I'm just his gate, nothing more. But the stupid me had to develop feelings for him. This stupid heart had to scream his name and treasure him. I very well knew that he just thinks of me as a person working under him with the same rank as everyone. He will never held me dear in his heart. And the words he just said proves it all.

I smiled painfully, rethinking about the way he stared at me earlier. It was so foolish of me to think that that has a meaning. I was such an idiot to hope that he's starting to adore me like how I adore him. In the end, I'm just giving my self a false hope. I'm just feeding my own imagination. Damn, I feel like a hopeless romantic trying to find love when there really isn't!

I retrieved my hands from him, stepping away from the devil. I used the 'I'm tired' excuse and left him there in the middle of the dance floor. He called me by the nickname he personally constructed several times, trying to make me go back but I'm too hurt to do so. The corner of my eyes are starting to sting. I took that as the cue to fled from here and hide myself away from people's eyes. I ran and found a dark space under a large tree. I hid there and let my tears come out as they like, silently praying that no one will wander in this kind of place and witness my pitiful state. I'd die from shame if that would ever happen.

It hurts. But all I can do is cry and keep it all hidden from everyone. I don't want them to feel sympathy towards me. Is loving V really so pathetic of me? I sobbed in the dark quietly, wiping my tears using the my palm and the back of my hand harshly. Thankfully, no one find this place. I stayed there sitting down behind the three with my knees pull up to my chest. I hugged it and hid my face on top of them. My heart keeps tightening and the eyes never get tired of shedding tears. I want to laugh at my pitiful self, if I ever come out and come back there they all will surely laugh at me. Damn, tears! Damn heart! Choosing the wrong person to love.

Was it really wrong? The answer is yes. It is indeed wrong to love a devil. No matter how you look at it, a human is for a human, and a devil is for a devil. Thus implying that he and I are not a good match.

I swallowed the bitter fact and decided that I should really digest it. There's no way that he'll love me anyway, so the least I can do is accept the reality and move on. Keeping this feelings will only cause me pain and a throbbing heart, it's already broken due to my mother's death. I fear that if I continue to feel this way, the damage will grow and my heart will finally shatter into pieces. Leaving me soulless and unable to get back up again.

The hiding lasted for a long time until I grew satisfied of crying. I stayed for a little more trying to fix my look before coming out of my hiding place. I can't put a shame to myself if I go out there with puffy red eyes and runny nose, the pain in my heart is already enough to hurt me. Once I'm sure that I'm okay again and there's no sign of crying, I moved my feet and return to my allies like nothing happened. Gladly, they didn't suspect anything. Even V didn't notice anything weird on me.

The banquet is still going but I refused to join anymore. I just admire everything from afar with Yoongi hyung since he's already tired from going places to places. Seems like his sons want to knock all the places and Yoongi hyung doesn't want to run behind them all the time. That resulted to Jimin being their guard for the whole time. Poor Jimin, can't say no to his treasured husband.

The tumor in my heart didn't leave no matter how I try to distract myself from feeling down. Fortunately, my sadness didn't affect anyone around me. I don't know if they are all numb or I'm just good at keeping it hidden. I choose the latter since the other option will only make my feeling worse than it already is.

The festival ended with everyone having happy faces. V told me that next time we will visit the next town, to be honest, I don't feel like going out of the palace anymore. Right now we need to go back because the Queen need acquaintance. And those acquaintance are us. How stupid, I nearly forgot about the lonely Queen waiting for us back in the castle. We left the town with everyone bidding us goodbyes. It's sad but I return their kind gesture with a fake smile. I just couldn't bring myself to smile genuinely with a heavy heart.