(BlackHeart2) BLACKSOUL

Chapter 69 (Dom's POV)

        "Dom, your hands are trembling" Giana stepped forward. She clasped them in hers and the touch of her flesh set me off. "No, don't touch me. I need to get the fuck out of here," I quickly turned for the door. My cousin got in my way telling me that was a bad idea. This is it. This is a panic attack. 

I've never fucking had one before and I don't know why I'm having one now, but clearly it was the fire slowly breaking me down over all those months. I'm weak. Pathetic. I run the mob, but I can't handle one girl's rejection?! I'm disgusted with myself. 

My chest was heaving again, the tremble stayed in my hand, and I felt like I was trapped in a box with trap walls that were closing in around me. I fisted my hair and tried to catch my breath. I heard the voices in the room, but they sounded so far away. 

Suddenly Giana was shoving some pill in my face. I didn't ask, I just swallowed it. I moved away from them. I needed to catch my breath and them crowding me wasn't helping. Placing my hands down on the kitchen counter I shut my eyes and dropped my head. Breathe Domani.

        If my father saw me now he would beat the pussy boy out of me. It took one minute for Mia to make this fire dissipate inside my burning chest. She came to me and she kissed me. She heard what I said when I blew up at her, and she understood that she wasn't innocent in all this or at least in the misunderstanding. She finally understood what made me so mad, so she came to me and the fire went out. 

For a whole week it was a sweet relief not to feel that flicker inside me that hurts. 

I honestly thought I was plagued with some stomach cancer or a heart attack in the beginning when all this started ten months ago. I figured it had to be something physically wrong with me, but the fire never burned out. 

        For a week I admitted to myself what I wanted. Her. I've always wanted Mia Fiore, and maybe it was on a sexual level in the beginning, but I wasn't myself with her. I wanted to buy her a birthday gift. I gave her $3,000 and I looked forward to seeing her react to it, and show us everything she bought. I looked things up in New York that a fashion diva would like, and I found the Dior exhibit I took her to. I wanted to take her out. I wanted to be around her. 

Let me be honest for once in my fucking life. 

I looked forward to pictures of her. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to fuck her. But not just fuck her. I wanted to claim her. I saw red any time a man thought he had the right to go near her, because even when she wasn't even mine, she was mine. 

        I told Elio I would stay away and I wouldn't hook up with her and I did do that for a short time, but even then I considered her mine. It's why I punched Tatum. It's why I killed Kristoff. It's why I almost killed Julien and Rizzo. I had a lot of 'accidents' planned. Unexpected overdose, car accident, robbery gone wrong, casualty of a mob war. Anything can happen. 

But Mia had them and she wanted me instead. 

She's always wanted me and I used to be such a dick about pushing her away and calling it just a physical attraction, but look at me. I flew all over the place to see her. I called her all the time. Me, who hates phones, called her all the time. 

I lied to myself and it was the most detrimental thing I could've done to myself, because within the year and however many months I've known Mia Fiore, I've spent half that time trying to stay away from her or forget her. 

I lied to myself, to Elio, and to her. I lied to anyone who asked me what Mia Fiore is to me. Is she nothing? Is this nothing? They all wanted to know.