(BlackHeart2) BLACKSOUL

Chapter 45 (Dom)

        I'm disgusted with myself. When did it all turn black? Revenge, murder, fucking, blood, guts, green eyes, a pretty smile, knives, guns, claiming one while touching another. I can't even stomach the thought of touching Giana the way I touched Mia. For what? For Conry? I knew it was all a show, and for who? Conry?

I knew I was gonna kill him. But I had to make him suffer first. That's my problem. I'm not dark, I'm fucking evil.

        When I was a boy my father wanted to turn me into a man. When I became a man they wanted to train me to be a soldier. When I became a special forces soldier they wanted me to become a boss. A mobster. A symbol of the De Luca empire to bring fear to our enemies. Everybody wants me hard. Everybody wants me tough. Everybody wants a fucking piece of me.

I won't pretend I didn't want power, because I do. I won't pretend I don't get off on being heavily feared, because I do. To be Domani De Luca successfully, I've had to sacrifice parts of me that were too human to handle the life expected of me.

You can't love, you have to lust. You can't show compassion, you have to answer blood for blood. You can't be forgiving, you have to seek revenge. You can't be complacent or you'll be dead. Straight up.

        To be happy is to be at peace. I don't get that luxury. Because guns, drugs, murder, enemies, dark allies, dirty money, and power don't stem from peace. It's a byproduct of the void inside each of us. Those who live in the unrest.

We all handle it differently, but we all got it. Some more than others. Every time my father taught me a new piece of the business the void grew a tiny bit bigger.

"Never show fear, little Domani. If he goes for your body you go for his throat"

The void.

"Be a man, Domani"

Gets.

"This is how you hold a gun, Domani. Learn to hit him between the eyes. Kill shot, Domani."

Bigger.

"Always clean up your mess. No evidence. No body. No finger prints. We'll show you, Domani."

Inch.

"No, I'm not gonna kill him. You're gonna learn the business. You kill him, son. That's it. Stab him. Never just stab in and out. You stab and turn the knife. Bleeds out quicker. Unless you want them to suffer. I'll show you, Domani"

By.

"You're a soldier now, boy. You've seen combat. You've been trained. Come learn the business, Domani. Now you learn the trade. Guns and drugs will never go outta style. There will always be a market for them, and so long as there is, we better be the kings of it. That's on you now, Domani. Don't burn it to the ground. Be the best in the trade and the worst in the field. Show no weakness. Keep your enemies afraid. Don't do business with an enemy you don't know. Do business with the enemy you do know. Because Domani, even your greatest ally is still your fucking enemy. Trust no one. Love no one. Be no one."

Inch.

        "Be no one." I remember when my father and his father told me that. I was confused because I thought they always wanted me to be a 'somebody'. To be mob boss Domani De Luca. But to be no one is to be anyone and everyone. 

My face isn't on the internet. I have no social media. No pictures. I have legal business accounts and I blend in within the business world. My credit card bills would never be flagged for suspicious activity. My dirty money isn't in a fucking bank account with Tom the accountant.