✓ | The Clandestine Memoir (Fate's Transgression Series, #1) [UNDER REVISION]

Chapter 32

~•[Chapter 32]•~

SEISHA:

Maraming beses ko nang sinabi sa sarili ko na maging matatag ako, at kakayanin ko lahat. I pulled through it and even got to college despite crying over small things every night.

I do things normally for hours, but my mind has already emitted too many negativities to my life.

I do not appear strong, but I can pull that through with the line 'pagod lang ako'. Yes, pagod ako. Pagod na pagod na ako.

Gusto kong magpahinga pero maingay ang utak ko. Gusto kong maging magaling pero bumabalik lang lahat pagkatapos ng ilang araw na normal ang buhay ko.

I basically did not lie. I was tired, but not the same meaning of tiredness they had. I want an infinite hour to rest, like being asleep forever if that was given the moment I called it quits. But, it didn't, for I woke up in this world and tried to fulfill a role I still can't accept.

If someone was given this kind of opportunity, they sure will live through it happily. It happens that a mentally unstable shit like me got the spot and now I will bring the Kingdom down with me.

Ayoko na nga kasing mabuhay, bakit may pa ganito pa?

Call me, ungrateful for a second life, but being alive is the most stressful role I ever committed. Okay na sa akin na isang beses lang akong na-cast sa ganitong role. In my next life— ayoko na ng next life. I gave up everything, I chose to, and I hope it is respected.

"Sasha?"

A hand trailed my jawline as it spoke my name.

I do not want to move and open my eyes. That constant physical touch made me feel secure. Mas sumiksik ako sa kanya at atubili naman niyang pinalibot ang braso nito sa akin.

I heard a soft chuckle escaping his lips.

"I'm not the pillow, sleeping beauty."

I find this position too embarrassing to be honest. I am currently resting on the right side of his chest as my arms circle on his biceps. Yes, I slept in this position for more than an hour or two, but that is never the center of this dilemma.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako napadpad sa bisig niya at nakakahiya naman gumising at tumakbo paalis kung alam ko naman na gising ito.

Kanina pa ako nag-iisip ng plano kung paano ako magsasalita patungkol sa sitwasyon namin. But, my body betrayed me. His presence soothes my nerves. I felt secure in his arms and made me want to sleep more.

This is a dilemma that I cannot fathom. In my mind, I wanted to get away, but my body refused to move. It also felt fresh to hear his genuine laughs. Nakakailang ang bagong ugali ng lalaking ito. I never knew Lucius could be this clingy.

Did he really think I am his fiance?

Parang iyon ang dahilan. What happened in that forest with the waterfalls enlightened Lucius that he had been cruel to me. O baka, ako lang itong assuming at may hidden agenda ang lalaking ito?

Mabilis pa sa kabayo akong bumangon at lumayo sa kaniya. I need to know if he is using me to take his agenda into action. Masama ko siyang tiningnan at ito naman ay hindi makapaniwala sa ginawa ko.

"Is that the tribute of using me as a pillow for less than two hours?" Namimilosopo pa ang kumag.

"May kama at unan naman, bakit hindi mo ako hiniga doon?" banat ko din.

Nagmamataas ako, at iyon ang dahilan kung bakit ngumiti na naman siya. That kind of smile made me want to stare at him longer.

He never smiled that much— he never smiled at me. Hindi ko tuloy mapigilan ang sarili ko na kwestyunin ang pinapakita niyang ugali.