Draw Me

31| Dear Diary

Chapter 31: Dear Diary

"Dear Diary,

I'm so sorry, that I haven't written to you since I was 13 years old..."

What am I even doing...

Like, I think I've written on my diary only once and I really don't think it's even sane to be apologizing to it right now.

Okay, nevermind. I really need to take these things off of my chest.

I picked up the pen again and inhaled deeply.

"Many things have happened in my life lately (that I'm not going to write down because I'm lazy and I really want to get to the point)
So, let's just say that, life was the same old life, until eariler this year that I became close with eight crackheads.
However, the more time I spent with them the more I started to notice some things."

Now...how do I explain these things?

"I know that it might seem too deep, but let me explain.
For example, I knew that I was a regular girl, who had a regular crush on a regular, talented and beautiful guy. My self, five months ago would kill to be in the situation I was in the last two weeks--being a muse for him to paint, but... I realised that, I actually don't have feelings for him anymore...

And at this point, I don't know whether my feelings for him were an genuine or just admiration. Nevertheless, it's concerning, because if I don't have a crush on him, then what is wrong with me?
I mean, the boy is perfect and he should be the only boy I should have a crush on.

But, I don't.

I even felt nothing when I was in close proximity with him. I may have laughed at his jokes and liked his company, but that's it. No heart fluttering, no butterflies in the stomach anymore.