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Ashley's POV

It's all my fault, it's all of my fault.

"Ashley?" My teacher came up to me putting her hand on my back.

I looked up at her and wiped away my tears.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing" I whispered lying to her.

"I can't help you if you don't tell me"

"Please don't make me"

"Alright I won't, but do you need to see Ivan"

"No, it's okay"

My teacher gave me a smile and went to another kid.

After Dylan left his dad called us a few days after telling me he killed himself. Maybe if I just let him have what he wanted he wouldn't be dead.


"Hey babe" Robin gave me a kiss as I got in his car.

I lightly pushed him off of me and started to ball out of my eyes.

"Hey whats wrong?" Robin grabbed my hand.

"I-its my fault, I should've just said yes"

"Ashley, what Dylan did to him was not your fault"

"Then why was this in his note huh?" I pulled a note from my bag written by Dylan before he killed himself. "Ashley was the only one who understood me, he gave me all of the love I have ever wanted. The only way I could feel pain is from him. And this time he broke me, he rejected me even though he had the right to. But it's the most pain that I've ever felt. So tonight is my final night. Goodbye Ashley, I will forever love you~Dylan"

"Ash, I know, but it is not your fault, he was in a dark place and was obsessed with you"

"If it's not my fault then why is the note only about me"

"So he can manipulate you"

"But he's dead so why would he-"

"Hasn't he ever told you that he believes in an after life? He wants you to kill yourself so you have no choice to be with him, the only one who you would know about"

"If he loves me then why does he want me to kill myself?"

"I told you, he's obsessed"

"Robin?"

"Yes babe?"

"H-he almost won"

"What do you mean?"

"Last night I tried killing myself" I pulled out my note from my bag. "I know this might not be a 100% shock to you but I have always wanted to be dead. My dad hurt me to the point I can't eat without throwing up, I have constant nightmares and ptsd from him. But this isn't why I'm writing this. It's because of Dylan. It's my fault that he's gone and I don't want to live with the guilt"

As I kept reading Robin grabbed me and made me look at him.

"I-I'm sorry" I wiped my tears.

"Ashley, have I ever told you how much I care for you, how much I love you?"

"Ever since we met"

"And I will always feel like that no matter what happens. You can always talk to me if you need to babe"

"I know, I just don't like you seeing worried"

"I'm always worried about you, that's part of loving someone"

I gave Robin a hug trying to calm down from crying.

"Do you want to visit Ivan now?"

I nodded and stopped hugging him buckling up. Ivan got sick again. Apparently he gets sick easily. Oh no what if he's been getting sick because of me? I get sick super easily so I might be getting him sick.

"What's on your mind now babe?"

"Is Ivan sick because of me?"

"No, baby, he just doesn't have that good of an immune system, it's not super bad to where he gets sick constantly, but at least once a month, maybe less. Him being sick has nothing to do with you"

"Otays, can we see dada nows?"

Robin looked shocked for a second but smiled before nodding.

We soon got to Ivan's and Robin helped me out of the car carrying me to the door. Robin knocked and we waited for an answer.

"Yes?" Ivan opened the door. His eyes widened and he quickly stepped out closing the door "what are you two doing here? My parents are home"

"Dada we go pway" I giggled.

"Ivan who's at the door?" A man opened the door.

I quickly hid my face in Robin's neck getting scared of him.

"Why is that boy wearing a dress?" The man sounded angry. Uh oh, he's like my dad. Tears started to fill my eyes and I hid into Robin more.

"Dad uh, this is my friend Robin and this is Ashley who is actually a girl, she has a condition that makes her brain age not match up with her physical age. She's usually non-verbal and sometimes can't walk. And she looses hair easily so it's always short" Ivan said.

What? Dat not true. Why is he lying about me? Is he not proud of me?

"Sorry sir, I heard that Ivan was sick again and I wanted to check up on him, and Ashley looks up to Ivan" Robin went with the lie.

"Alright. Im sorry if I offended the girl" Ivan's dad patted my back making me flinch.

"Wobin we go home?" I whispered in his ear trying to sound like I'm not crying.

"It's alright sir, we should be heading back, Ashley's mom will be home soon"

"See you later Robin. Bye Ashley"

I looked up at Ivan and he looked shocked as there were tears in my eyes. I put my head back down hiding it.

Robin got us back to the car and he turned it on after buckling me in. I grabbed his aux cord and plugged it into my phone blasting random metal music.

I put my hands into my face and screamed into them. Once I was done screaming I wiped my tears and looked at Robin who looked concerned. I turned down the music and stared back at him.

"Ashley are you okay?" Robin asked.

"Wanna go home" I mumbled.

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