Unhappy Endings

158: Grief and Other Feelings

Severus dragged you by the arm into his-- no, your shared-- home, closing the door and pushing you up against it. "Severus--" your voice whispered with tears in your eyes, "Severus, it hurts."

"Everything in my being hurts, my love. Do you think I enjoyed this? That I like this cursed mark and the responsibilities that come with it?" His voice wavered and then broke with tears. "I hate it more than I hate myself. But I love you more than all of that. I'm going to protect you with all I have, I mean it. But I do need to hear it."

"Hear what?" You knew, but you, too, wanted to hear it.

"That you love me, despite all my flaws." Tears streamed down the dark man's face. "Please, Esme, you're all I have left."

"Severus, I love you and all of your flaws. They're part of who we are. You know," You laughed and wiped your own tears, before reaching to wipe his, "if you didn't have that mark, we would never have been together, let alone married."

His lips slowly touched your own and worked with a steady rhythm. After a minute or two, he released you, drawing a whine from your throat. "We would have. I found you incredibly desirable from the moment I met you."

"Veela, you said!" A soft chuckle escaped you as you clutched onto your husband's cloak. It was still dark in the house and adrenaline coursed through your veins from the evening. A desire to be close to someone, to your someone, pulled at your heart. Although Severus was pulling at your neck's delicate skin at the moment and that was certainly distracting. "No, darling, I wouldn't have even been at Hogwarts."

"How would my dark mark have drawn you to Hogwarts?" His teeth stopped their grazing of your skin, but his lips did not leave your body.

Your eyes opened widely for a moment, realizing you were about to give up your mission from Dumbledore. It was too late to deny it, and lying would have been even more of a disrespect. And so with caution, you spoke the words that had been kept a dark secret in your mind for so long. "Albus recruited me... for you."

"Me?" His head rose slowly to meet your eyes. "Explain."

"I was... I am... I was recruited to keep you..." Your eyes searched for anything but the dark ones in front of you. "I am here to be your reminder."

"For?"

"That there are things worth living for. A reminder that love can come again. In Albus' words, 'remind him that his mission has meaning'."

"That insufferable man!" Severus launched himself off of the door and let out a scream of anger. "His meddling knew no end!" You laughed, agreeing with the point and moving slowly to take his hand. Gently, you tugged him to the loveseat in the middle of the room. Lightly, he sat down, pulling you on top of him. His head rested on your chest and painful moans left his mouth, tears once again streaming down his face. Your skin finally flushed the dark blue of grief and tears dripped onto Severus' hair. That was simply how it was going to have to be.