Unhappy Endings

79: Rehearsal Pays Off

"Bloody right, you are!" You flung open the door and Severus stumbled in, having been resting his hands on it. "I don't even know what I did..."

Severus took a seat on your loveseat and awkwardly fiddled with his hands. "I didn't know what to say... Karkaroff... I heard him... I didn't think--"

"No, you didn't! You didn't think! You just jumped to conclusions like you always do! Severus Snape, how could you possibly think I would ever try and hurt you like that after all we have been through!? I know who you are and I know who you were. Nothing was going to prevent me from my feelings for you... that is... except you."

Severus took a deep breath and worked through his rehearsed words. He couldn't afford to lose you. His heart couldn't. "There was nothing that you did. If anything, I believe I lowered your respect for me and I feel bloody awful. I wish I would have kept it together, been able to talk to you, but the thought that you couldn't love me because of her... raised the flame until I finally boiled over. I am so sorry for it. I never wanted to hurt you, and hearing that... hearing that you feel you would never be truly loved by me... I felt like I had already failed. I failed because we had a good bond that was growing and I believe it got ruined because I lost my temper, as per usual. I take responsibility for my response and getting upset the way that I did. I could have handled the situation much better, got my point out to you in words, although not nearly as eloquent as this. At least in a more respectable fashion, without hurting our relationship and everything that I would like it to continue being. For that, I apologize...and I hope you can one day look at me in a better light." He paused and took out the rose he had wished to give you two days ago, looking down at the flower he had repaired as he continued in a quieter tone. "If you don't want to go to the ball with me, then I'll understand. But I always intended to take you to the Ball." He looked back at you and took your hand, "I would really like to show you how much you mean to me, Esmeralda." He gently placed the rose in your hand, "and this flower... this silly, old-fashioned thing... I was afraid that you would laugh... I wanted-- no, I want to ask you to see me and me alone."

You examined the used-to-be damaged rose in your hand, all thoughts of yelling at him, finding a way to hurt him as he did you, thrown out the window the second you heard his pleads. As you looked back up at him, seeing the helplessness in his eyes, you felt pity and desperation emulating from the man standing before you. Gently, you arranged some of the petals to their rightful place before answering him.

"If you're asking me to court," you whispered. "Then you must leave your other lover behind. I cannot compare to someone who can no longer do any wrong."

He nodded in agreement and left you to your thoughts for a few minutes. You wanted to forgive him, to go to the Ball with him, but you couldn't get what Karkaroff said out of your head. Severus did care for you, you knew that and you still harbored feelings for him, which made it so much harder to forget him. What were you supposed to do now? If you forgave him, you would be opening your heart to him, risking having it crushed by a dead woman. But if you didn't, you would likely lose him forever. And wasn't that worse than coming in second place to another?