Little Bitch

Chapter 15

Chapter 15

It was the first time I went to Doctor Boseman's office on my own.

I felt like a grown up for a second, something I rarely did. I usually felt like a child that needed constant supervision, so the fact that I was going on my own was an interesting change. Maybe this was also another beginning of getting my life together, doing things by myself.

As always, my psychiatrist was in a cheery mood when I stepped in his office. It was also strange that this room was starting to feel familiar.

"So, how are you doing this week Blake?" he asked me after we both sat down.

"Really good, which I assume isn't that surprising to you," I replied with a small smile.

He chuckled. "No, no, don't say it like that. It's always a great thing that you have good moments, regardless of whether or not it's predictable. Don't downplay feeling good."

"Alright," I nodded, my hands clasped on my knees for some reason. I noticed it, and opened them, resting them beside me on my seat, "Well, I'm good."

"That's great Blake. Anything in particular you want to talk about? Sometimes it's good to try to remember specific moments that made you happy, so you can think back on them when times aren't as good."

I felt like telling Doctor Boseman that my girlfriend had flashed me this morning wasn't the kind of answer he was looking for.

"I hung out with my girlfriend and her brother and my best friend the other evening and it was really nice. It felt like I was with family even if none of them are related to me."

"You have really good friends," he remarked, nodding.

"I know. I'm really lucky to have them. I think I took them for granted before. Especially Josh. I hope that regardless of what happens in my future I don't ever take him for granted again. I want to be there for him the way he was for me."

Josh deserved the whole world and more. I was going to be a better little brother for him and a better best friend. It was the least he deserved.

"That's great. You know, when people feel depress a lot of their thoughts become hyper focus on themselves. They'll be talking in I and me a lot. And that's normal because you're hurt so for your own preservation you hyperfocus on yourself. But if you start thinking about people around you, it helps you get out of your head and realize there's more happening than just the bad thoughts. It gives you a kind of perspective," he explained.

It made sense when he put it like that.

"I can see that. I know that when I thought about the way I was hurting people around me because of how I felt it helped me seek help."

"And that was a big step to take." I didn't add anything to that. It did still feel like I was a little weak for needing so much help, but I didn't want to admit that out loud because I knew it was wrong, so I just nodded along. "And how's the medication? Are you still feeling okay?" Doctor Boseman continued.

I was ready for that question. I knew there was something I wanted to talk about that. But now that he was asking, it felt like a very wrong thing to ask, like, please can I stop medication so I can be a horn dog at the detriment of my mental health. You see I want to walk around with a perpetual boner because I'm so attracted to my girlfriend and right now I'm not having it.

Also, it was kind of weird to talk about this with... well anyone really. Regardless of the reputation I had, I rarely actually talked about any of my conquests. I made a lot of innuendo jokes, but I wasn't actually talking about real things.