Little Bitch

Chapter 36

Chapter 36

As soon as I was out of the dinning room and away from my parents, I felt bad.

I didn't like conflict. I didn't like to argue with them, or anyone for that matter.

I always preferred to make my own self feel bad rather than confronting anyone about my issues.

Ultimately, the whole Kendall thing still felt like my decision.

Still, after learning everything about Jayden and Josh, I just felt madder about Kendall, because Jayden had clearly loved Josh. I could never know just how deep and true his feeling rang, but one thing was certain, Kendall hadn't been the love Jayden's life like she'd let everyone believe.

So why did my parents still let her in? Why did she need to grieve with us when she was a liar?

All of the arguments had felt sort of pointless. Yelling at my parents would not change anything. Yelling at anyone would not make what had happened between me and Kendall disappear.

I would have to learn how to deal with this.

Honestly, for a second, I kind of wished Doctor Boseman had never said anything. I could had gone on with my life blissfully ignorant. Even if a part of me knew what he was saying was true, even if deep inside I'd always known this, always felt this.

I'd been able to ignore it before.

I couldn't now.

And I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do.

Generally, I would have jumped on a treadmill and ran my anger away.

But, my head still hurt and it felt like running would just make the pounding worst, so instead I went to my painting shack and sat in front of Lexi's present.

Maybe I should have gone to the Graysons's instead. Maybe I should not have burst at my parents.

I'd clearly taken them by surprised.

But they hadn't said anything... satisfying. In the heat of the moment, I couldn't even remember if they' apologize to me for it. And even if they had, I wanted to tell them that I didn't care about them being sorry. I wanted them to have protected me.

I looked at the painting I'd been working on. Little Blake and little Lexi standing together.

How different my life would have been if we had moved here sooner?

Jayden would still be alive.

I probably would have been friends with Lexi from the start. Maybe I would have started dating her much sooner too. Apparently she had a crush on me when we were younger, so it was possible.

Our lives would have been completely different.

Maybe Josh and Jayden would be dating too.

That was still kind of wild for me to process. It didn't make sense. But it kind of did at the same time.

Learning all these things about my brother lately was like meeting a completely different person than the one I grew up with.

I really hadn't known my brother, never truly.

I'd seen him as someone grander than life.

But now he felt like someone else entirely.

I stayed sitting on my stool in front of my painting for what felt like hours and then finally picked up my phone from my pocket.