Here We Stand [H.S]

132.

I stared at myself in the mirror, debating whether or not I was being stupid by wearing make up today.

I looked okay, if I thought so myself, I hadn't lost any sleep and in actual fact, last night was probably the best night's sleep I had in about a week.

I was at Gran's house and last night, she finally came home.

It was something that I mentally fought with during the last couple of days, but the thought of having her alone in the funeral parlour didn't sit well with me... so for the final time, before her journey into the afterlife could begin, I decided to have her home for the night.

It was something that I had never done or experienced before, but it just felt right having her with me before the service today.

It comforted me in a lot of ways, knowing she was downstairs and back home where she belonged, instead of being inside a parlour waiting for today to arrive.

I knew that if I hadn't have brought her home, that I would never have forgiven myself.

I had been a bit concerned with regards to Harry also being with me at the house, because I wasn't sure if he was going to be comfortable with Gran's coffin being downstairs and displayed so beautifully in her living room; but he reassured me as always that I could do whatever I wanted as long as I was happy.

And I was, truly.

I spent most of last night either crying in sadness or happiness, reliving my childhood memories with both Gran and Harry, whilst we ate over a Chinese and two bottles of wine.

It was never in my intention to get drunk (and I didn't) but I wanted to at least celebrate her life in some way and give her my own personal send off with the man I was now going to marry.

Speaking of which, I vaguely remembered kissing the coffin and thanking her for giving Harry permission to ask me to marry him before I went to bed last night.

It brought me great comfort knowing that this was the last thing she did for me, and that she approved of Harry coming into our family and me going into his.

It was then that I sat on the stairs for a bit, picturing my wedding day when it dawned on me that I would have nobody there.

I pictured a church of some sort, seeing Harry's side of it completely filled up to the brink, while mine was literally only two or three rows filled up.

If that, really.

I don't know if it was because of the wine flowing through my blood stream quickly, but the thought that I wouldn't have my mother, my father or my Gran there in person on what was going to be the happiest day of my life, broke me.

I still felt that way this morning actually, because it hit me like a tonne of bricks that I wouldn't be able to plan anything with my mother or have her at my hen party, I wouldn't be able to go dress shopping with her; picking out dresses and go cake tasting.

I wouldn't be able to ask my dad to give me away to Harry, I wouldn't be able to hear his speech afterwards about how proud he was of me and that I looked absolutely beautiful, making a stunning bride... and I wouldn't be able to have my Gran there for moral support when things were going to go wrong.

It seemed unfair that on what was going to be the happiest and best day of my life, my entire family whom had been wiped out, wouldn't be there.

Where was the justice in that?

"Iz?"

Hearing Harry call my name, I bowed my head and forced myself to pull it together, my trembling hands reaching for my make-up bag in the sink when the bathroom door opened.