Life Is A Living Hell

Chapter 50 Lies, Lies, Lies (rewritten)

You are so brave and quiet.
I forgot you are suffering.
—Ernest Hemingway
__________________________
Olivia Brown

He lied. I knew he did. But I didn't say anything. It would've destroyed my plan anyway. My gut told me that he wouldn't rescue him, so I came up with a plan. Yet, I still wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, sadly he proved me right.

He left me alone after he kissed my forehead and went down to the kitchen. I appreciated the solitude; it gave me time to think. Unfortunately, I felt too nauseated to think, too dizzy to decipher an emotion. I pushed the cover off of me, suddenly it felt like I was burning. I went to the bathroom, splashed some cold water on my face. Still too hot. I stripped off Anton's shirt off of me and went under the icy stream. Letting the water cool me off. Too spent to stand up, I sat down. Hugged my knees close to my body.

Everything will be okay, everything will be okay...

I just had to stick to my plan, and hopefully I would rescue Alex. I got to carefully sneak into Noah's empty boot and be quiet all the way to Joseph's. There I had to find the basement where Alex was apparently located. With my gun and few other weapons, I would optimistically escape with Alex. Escape from Joseph and... Antonio.

I need to escape.

I didn't even know why I was still here. He told me he needed my help, but so far, I hadn't done anything. I was thinking that maybe his intention was something else. I didn't know what. Yet it couldn't be anything good. Maybe he wanted to sell me, maybe he wanted to torture me in his own sick way, by playing wicked games with me. But why? I didn't know. Me not knowing made it dangerous for me to stay, I had to go. Besides that, I couldn't be near Anton, both physically and mentally. He either hurt me or I hurt myself by drowning in his dark, endless ocean. If I ever reached his bottom, I knew I would be stuck, I couldn't let that happen. Now I could swim, I needed to swim far away from him before he gripped my leg and dragged me down. Dragged me closer to his blazing chest and burned me.

I pulled myself up and got out of the shower. No longer warm since my body acknowledged the snow outside. I was putting on one of Anton's hoodies with a pair of leggings while promising myself that this was the last time, I wore any of Antonio's clothes despite how much I loved it. It needed to stop; I couldn't get used to something that wasn't continuously. He couldn't give me a forever. And if it wasn't forever, then it was never. Frankly, I didn't think he could give me anything but pain. It even pained me when he was nice, because it couldn't be true. I didn't believe it.

I reluctantly went down to the kitchen. When I saw Anton's luscious bare tattooed back, my stomach rumbled. He turned around with a smirk.

"Someone's hungry."

I mumbled an incoherent reply, entirely distracted by his front.
Fuck, has he always looked this good?
And sexy, don't forget sexy. My subconscious added.

Yeah. I licked my lips.

"I made pancakes. Sit down." He smiled. Why is he so nice? Odd.

I sat in front of a full plate of pancakes when I got a feeling of déjà vu. We had been doing that dance before. After his mother's birthday. It felt like a lifetime ago.

He took a seat in front of me. I stared bemusedly at him.

"What?" He scolded. "Stop staring," he snapped.