Life Is A Living Hell

Chapter 58 I'm Begging You (rewritten)

Please tell me I'm not as forgettable
as your silence is making me feel.
_________________________________________________
Olivia Brown

It had been exactly 131 minutes since Antonio left me. I didn't know what made me count the minutes of his absence, but I did. That was all I did as I soaked in his immense bathtub, counting, and staring at the wall.

The water had run cold 26 minutes ago, yet I couldn't find the energy to get out of the tub.

At 128 minutes, I let my head sink under the surface. Everything turned silent. Yet my thoughts had never been louder.

The baby is dead! You're not pregnant! It was your fault! You will be alone for the rest of your life! Antonio doesn't want you! He will dump you like any other girl he has fucked! You're alone.

I resurfaced to silence my thoughts. Still, one thought swirled in my mind as I stared at my stomach. I hope you're still with me.

With that wish in mind, I got out of the bathtub. I wrapped a towel around myself, brushed my hair and braided it. At 136 minutes, I got dressed and headed out of Anton's bedroom for the first time in three days.

I couldn't take one more second of Anton's absence, so at 138 minutes, I barged into his office. Only to found him with a glass of whiskey in his hand, sitting on the dark leather sofa with a troubled look on his face. Was he in a hurry to leave me so he could come here and drink? What the...?

"Why did you leave me so abruptly?" My question surprised him and me. Turned out, I was done with dancing around subjects when it came to Antonio. He took a deep breath as I walked closer into the room. I stood in front of him when he mumbled out a reply.

"I had something I needed to do." I didn't say anything, I didn't do anything, I didn't think anything, I just stared at him as I wondered; Is this the end?

He got the flash drive, the mission was accomplished, he didn't need me anymore, even though I kept hoping he would.

"Come here." He patted the place beside him with a small—a bit forced, if I weren't mistaken—smile. Maybe he does need me. The corners of my mouth turned up as I walked over to him. When he could reach me, he laid down and brought me down with him. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the back of my head. I was wrong, we will survive together.

Together in each other's arms, we were surrounded by a comfortable silence like never before as we gazed out at the dark sky through the window. We stayed like that for a few minutes until Anton murmured softly in my ear, "What did you like the most about your mother?" His words paralysed me. What...? Why was he asking about my mother all of a sudden? Was he asking about my mother because he missed his own?

I took a deep breath, preparing for a conversation that I really didn't want to have, but I tried for Antonio's sake. Yet the confusion barely let me speak.

"Umm...w-why do you ask?" He exhaled and began playing with my braid.

"Please...tell me, tell me about your mother." It sounded like it physically pained him to get those words out. It was probably a sore topic. He never had a mother, he apparently wanted to know how it would be to have one.

"I loved that she was like my best friend. She made me feel like I wasn't alone. She was there for me when I cried and smiled, she was always there for me. Not only that, but she protected me from Mateo whenever he had too much alcohol. And when he wanted to hurt me...she...she used to get in between...so he hurt her instead..." A tear rolled down my cheek as I recalled her bruises. Antonio hugged me tighter and kissed me.