Life Is A Living Hell

Chapter 51 Kiss My Darkness Away (rewritten)

It's hard to turn the page when you know someone
won't be in the next chapter, but the story must go on.
—Thomas Wilder
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Olivia Brown

She believed me. Thank God. It was hard to keep my voice steady when my world completely turned upside down. I mean, what the actual fuck?  I'm pregnant. Not only that, but with Antonio Romano's child. Wh-what? How?

Fuck...now I remember.

"Fuck, you feel so good," Anton grunted.

"You gotta take a pill tomorrow," he exhaled as he kept pushing deeper into me.

"Why?" I moaned, continued riding him. He felt so good, so deep.

"Because I can never fuck you with a condom on, now that I've felt how it is to fuck you bare."

I forgot to take the pill. And it didn't help that we hadn't used protection since then.

Fucking hell. I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant... with Anton's kid.

It didn't matter how many times I said it, I still couldn't believe it. I'm pregnant? No. No way.

I inhaled the crispy cold air while my feet began to go numb. The balcony was covered in snow. After I lied to Vittoria, it felt like the space got smaller and smaller and the oxygen was sucked out of the room. I needed to breathe, so I ran out here. Snowflakes poured down on me. It never snowed this much in December. On the 24th December. I snorted. What a Christmas. I found out I was pregnant on the same day as Maria gave birth for hundreds of years ago. But she had a child with God, I had a child with the Devil.

I couldn't believe I was pregnant. But the three pregnancy tests begged to differ. When my exhaling turned into a big cloud of smoke, I went back inside. But not to Antonio, to my room. I got under the covers on my bed. My eyes kept staring at the ceiling while my mind attempted to get a hold of my situation. The freezing cold air seemed to have woken me up out of my haze, since I was calmer now. Maybe it was because I couldn't warp my head around the fact that I was carrying Antonio's child. It didn't feel like it.

I'm pregnant with Antonio's child. What am I going to do?

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"Olivia."  I heard Colt's voice through the door.

"Come in," I mumbled. He strolled in with a grin on his face.

"Where have you been hiding, Sweetcheeks? Have you been hiding from the big-scary-wolf-Antonio?" He quipped, smiling. In some way, I had been hiding from Antonio and everyone. I was in a complicated situation where I didn't know how to behave. I had so many unanswered questions. Should I keep it? Should I tell Antonio? Should I keep it as a secret? Should I still run away? How would Antonio react if I told him? Would he be furious with me? Would he force me to kill it? Do I want to kill it?

I wasn't sure of many things, but I was of few; I would still rescue my brother, I would not drown for someone who wouldn't drown for me.

"Leah?" Antonio came into the view behind Colt. Antonio's gaze landed on me, then on Colt. Colt nodded at Antonio, then closed the door on his way out and left us alone.

"Where have you been? Why didn't you come down for dinner?" The concern on his face looked real, yet I didn't believe it.

" I..." didn't want to see you. It kills me to see you. "...wasn't hungry," I mumbled and looked away. I felt the bed dip under Antonio's weight. I felt the back of his hand on my forehead.

"You look pale, have you caught a cold?" He stroked tenderly my cheek while his agonised, deep voice filled the space. Why was he feigning that he cared, that he worried about me? Did he really think I would believe his lies?

"No, I'm fine," I muttered and rolled over, so my back was facing him and I the big window. What a pity that it was dark outside, the view from the window was spectacular. Instead of saying something, he got under the covers and laid behind me.

"You don't look fine to me," he mumbled in my ear and wrapped his arms around me. I hated that my body loved his burning touches. I knew by being so close to him and loving his lies dug me a deeper grave. But a part of me wanted to just feel him even though it wasn't good for me, since it could be the last time, I ever felt him.

He kissed my head; his large hand covered my belly. A tear escaped my eye, even though I tried to stop it. How could he behave like this, so warm? It killed me. Considering it was temporary and fake. Next time, he would be ice-cold and snap at me, talking to me like I didn't deserve his time nor attention. And now throwing a baby in the mix...it was the last thing I needed.

I rolled over, so I was facing him, it prevented him from touching my stomach. It was a bad move, since now I could see the Devil's handsome face. All sharp edges.

Why did we have to meet like this? If we had met in a different time or circumstances, maybe then there would have been hope for us.

He brought me closer to his warm chest. I could feel his even deep breaths. He must have been exhausted, since he had already fallen asleep. Because of his unconsciousness, I allowed myself a fleeting moment of weakness and dared something I wouldn't do if he was awake. I gazed up at him before softly kissing his chest, exactly where his heart was located. I was about to distance myself from him when I felt his hand on the back of my head, preventing me.

"One more." His deep voice begged. "Kiss my darkness away, Olivia."

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