Lionesses- Harry Hampton

I don't fucking want to, okay?

TW: SH

December 6th. What would've been his dad's birthday. Harry felt low. He didn't want to get out of bed. This day was always hard. Not as hard as the anniversary of his death but difficult, nevertheless.

He should've got out of bed quarter of an hour ago to get ready for school, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

Hannah's head poked around his door.

"Hey, Haz. You alright?" she asked, kindly. She knew that Harry struggled. She struggled but she knew Harry needed her so every year that's what inspired her to get up.

"Go away," Harry said, flatly.

"You need to get ready for school," Hannah said, completely ignoring what he'd said. She knew that Harry was the kind of person who got energy from other people, so school was actually the perfect place for him when he was down.

"I don't want to," Harry replied, his voice still flat.

"I know but you'll enjoy it when you're in," Hannah told him, sitting on the end of his bed.

"I said I don't want to. I don't fucking want to, okay?" Harry said, his voice raising on the second sentence.

"Okay. That's okay," Hannah said, sympathetically, rubbing his back. She realised that the tactic of ignoring his low mood wouldn't work today.

"Do you want to talk about anything?" she asked, still rubbing his back. He shook his head and then on second thought opened his mouth to speak.

"It's not fair. Why did dad have to die? He didn't deserve it. Why did he fucking have to die?" Harry said. He was in one of his moods where he didn't cry no matter how sad he was. He got like that sometimes.

"I know. It isn't fair. He really, really didn't deserve it," Hannah agreed. She could feel tears coming to her eyes, but she blinked them away. She needed to be strong for Harry.

They stayed in a silence for a little while. There was nothing else that they wanted to say.

"You need to go to school," Hannah said after a little while. As much as she just wanted to lie with her brother, she knew he needed to go to school, and she needed to go to training.

"I don't want to," Harry responded. Hannah could tell this wouldn't be a battle she could win easily but she was determined to. School was good for Harry, whether he admitted it or not.

She left the room and made a call to Harry's Head of Year.

"Hi this is Hannah, Harry Hampton's sister. I was just calling to say that I can't get Harry into school. He woke up this morning feeling really low, and he won't get out of bed. I know it sounds bad that I want to send him in but trust me it's the best place for him to be. I'm just not really sure how to get him to school," Hannah said.

"Hello, Hannah. Thanks for ringing me. Is there any particular reason that Harry is feeling low? Is it just a hormonal thing?" Mr Hall asked.

"It's what would've been our dad's birthday and I guess he's just missing him."

"Poor lad. Right well speak to Harry and try and get him in. Reassure him that we don't expect a whole load of work. Just turning up today will be a brilliant achievement. If you really can't get him in, then call me back and me and the attendance team will be over to your house. We don't want this to be the start of a slippery slope."

"Ok, thank you. I'll see of I can convince him," Hannah said, and she hung up. When she returned back to Harry's room he was still in the same position as before.

"Harry, I've just spoken to Mr Hall, and he would love to see you in school today. He said that you wouldn't be expected to do lots of work. Just get in and see your friends. Have some fun cause you need some cheering up," Hannah told him. Harry lay there debating it. He really, really didn't want to get out of bed. What was the point of enjoying a world that took his dad away? It was unfair and cruel, and he hated it.

But at the same time seeing his friends would cheer him up.

"Han, I don't want to go to school," Harry said, quietly and not as convincingly as he had done before.

The two of them carried on debating it for another half an hour and after a lot of convincing Hannah finally got him to get out of bed.

"We'll stop off somewhere on the way and I'll get you breakfast, yeah?" Hannah said, her arm around her brother's shoulders. Harry nodded. He wasn't in school uniform, but he was up and dressed so Hannah didn't care.

As they were about to pull out of the driveway, Hannah turned to her brother.

"I'm proud of you, Harry," she said with a smile. He smiled back weakly. He was still feeling pretty shit, but Hannah was helping a lot.

They stopped off at the McDonald's drive through on the way and Harry devoured his McMuffin and hash brown.

An hour and a half after school had started, Hannah and Harry pulled up out the front. They walked into the main reception where Mr Hall was waiting for them.

"Hi Harry. It's good to see you," he said, cheerfully. Harry nodded in a sort of greeting.

"Do you want to go and sit over there for a minute while I speak with your sister?" Mr Hall told him, gesturing towards a seat down the corridor.

"Yeah, okay," Harry said. Before he walked off, Hannah pulled him into a hug.

"Take care of yourself. I'll see you later when I get home from training. I love you, Harry," she said into his ear.

"Love you too," Harry whispered back. He pulled away from the hug and walked down to the chair.

"Thanks for getting him in. You do a good job of looking out for him. I promise we won't make him do anything he doesn't feel up to," Mr Hall said, a reassuring smile on his face. Hannah returned it and thanked him for being so understanding.

***

After seeing his friends, Harry had perked up a lot. There was still that dull feeling of missing his dad, but it was smaller than before.

He decided that he would make some dinner for himself and Hannah because by the time she got back from training it would be a bit of hassle for her to cook. Their Grandad was out visiting bingo friends, so Harry decided to make his and Hannah's favourite easy meal, chicken nuggets, potato waffles and beans.

Harry was just putting the beans on when Hannah got home.

"Alright, Harry? Have a good day?" she asked as she dumped her bag in the corner and took off her coat and shoes.

"Yeah. Pretty good," Harry replied, honestly, "How was training?"

"Hard work. But good," Hannah told him.

"What are you cooking?" she asked as she walked over to peer into the pan.

"Nuggets, waffles and beans," Harry answered.

"Eurgh, you stink," he added as Hannah put her arm around his shoulders.

"Sorry, I'll have a shower after. I did tell you training was hard," she said.

Once the beans were cooked through, everything was ready, and the pair sat at the table and ate it. They chatted away and when they were finished, they moved into the lounge to watch a film.

***

Harry was lying in bed, but he couldn't sleep. He'd had a roller coaster of a day. A million thoughts were rushing around his head. He hated nights like this. Everything was overwhelming and when he got like his he had a bad way of coping with it.

He tried so hard to stop himself, but he couldn't. His brain was telling him he deserved it so that's what he did. He hurt himself.

No one knew that he self-harmed. He didn't tell anyone. He didn't want to worry them. He had been on off doing it since he started secondary school. No one had ever found out and he planned to keep it that way.

***