My Love // Theo Nott

seventy

The rest of September was difficult for me. I spent most of my time in the library. Whether it was studying or taking a nap because I couldn't do that in the comfort of my own fucking dorm anymore. I was exhausted mentally, emotionally, and physically. Every time I was having a more than difficult day I would go outside to a tree Theo would always take me to to watch the sunset. It helped me forget the current situation and I pretend that I didn't go through the pregnancy and abortion.

It was now almost November and I was at that tree. I only had my cloak so I was freezing, but I didn't want to go to my dorm for a sweater in case Theo would be there.

In Transfiguration, the class I have with both Theo and Emeline, it took them almost till the end of September to realize I shared that class with them. It wasn't like they tried to hide it either. We had to get into partners. I didn't know anyone there except for Theo, so I had to ask Professor Mcgonagall to assign me to someone. When she asked if anyone didn't have a partner the attention was to her and I was right next to her. I was looking around when I noticed Theo's face. He sat up, raised eyebrows, and widened his eyes. I looked down in embarrassment. I don't know how to explain the feeling I was feeling at that moment.

At breakfast, lunch, and dinner Emeline has her own group of friends to sit with now. I'm relieved, but Theo still sits with us. I don't expect him not to. After all, he has been with these people since he was 11. I got here just two years ago. I didn't expect his friends to push him out. It still hurts that he has gotten no consequences for how he treated me. I'm going on about my days just trying to avoid him and Emeline. He probably spends his days in my dorm. Probably in my old bed.

I threw my head back against the tree at that thought. I can't stop thinking about the last thing I told him before we went home for summer break. I continue thinking about what would have happened if I had continued with the pregnancy. Would people have been able to guess who the dad was? Would Theo have even cared? It was too late at this point to be thinking of the what if's. The what ifs only made the pain in my chest hurt more.

Once I was sure dinner had started, I grabbed my bag and went inside. When I arrived in the great hall everyone was already at our usual spot. I sat down next to Blaise.

"I'm just saying. Are we all gonna forget about the little piece of information Theo said about you?" Draco asked Blaise. Everyone looked at me, but I looked at Blaise.

"Aurora! Perfect. I don't know if you know, but Blaise is seeing a certain someone, but he refuses to speak on it." Draco said. I was already grabbing food when I sat down, so when Draco said that I stopped in my tracks. I looked at Draco then back at Blaise in disbelief.

"You told them?" I whispered.

"You knew?!" Draco and Pansy both yelled at the same time. I shrugged my shoulders at them then looked back at Blaise.

"I didn't tell them." Blaise said bitterly. His cheeks were slightly colored and he was avoiding eye contact with Draco and Pansy.

"How do you guys know?" I asked. They both calmed down with that. I looked at Blaise and he gave me the answer.

"Theo told them." he said. I looked at Theo, who was seated next to Pansy. I drew my eyebrows together in confusion. "It was after I told you to ask him about..." Blaise trailed off. Oh. Now I understand why Draco and Pansy fell quiet. They were looking at their plates just moving their food around.

"It's fine." I said. "We can talk about that day." I nudged Blaise. Silently begging him to talk about something.

"She doesn't want anyone to know. I don't care if you tease me about it, but at least do it in the privacy of the dorm." he said. I could feel the energy slowly go back to how it was before I showed up, but I knew I wasn't going to be able to eat dinner tonight. I stayed hunched down next to Blaise, hoping that they wouldn't include me in a conversation.

It worked.

—-----------------------------------------------

On our way back to the common room Elio stayed back with me as everyone went ahead. I was walking slower on purpose. So no one would talk to me.

"Are you okay?" he asked. I nodded my head. "It's just. I barely see you throughout the day. And when I do, you're not really as enthusiastic as you usually are." I didn't know what to say to that.

"Okay? I'm fine." I said.

"Dad told me to keep an eye on you." I looked at him.

"Are you serious?" I asked. Unbelievable. Elio nodded his head.

"He asked me how you've been and when I told him I barely see you since we don't have a ton of classes together, he told me to keep a better eye on you." I scoffed in annoyance. "I don't understand why now though. I mean, when you were with Theo, okay, but now?"

"Dad never knew about Theo. So don't tell him about it." I said sternly. Elio looked at me, taken aback by my stern voice.

"Then why has he been strict with me about keeping an eye on you?" Elio asked.

"He's just pissed that I don't want to be in this stupid world of his." I said.

"What world? The wizarding world?" I nodded my head in confirmation. Elio screwed up his face in disgust. He couldn't believe I was saying this. After all, I was the one that had persisted with both him and my mum to let us go to Hogwarts. "Don't say that, Aurora. I know you love it here."

"I don't like Hogwarts." I said. "I don't have anything here. And you've known that I want to go back to London."

"You can go back to London and also do something with magic." I shook my head.

"Elio. I want to be in a world where I won't run into Theo. He's a pureblood from an important lineage. When the time comes, I don't want to have access to a paper that will tell me all about his marriage. In the wizarding world, I don't think I'll ever be able to escape him." I said. Elio looked at me sadly. I didn't want to see pity. "He'll go on to be with Emeline. They'll have kids that will no doubt be announced in the paper." I pursed my lips and shrugged my shoulders as if I had already accepted that fact.

"You're still hurting, Aurora." We had just entered the common room when Elio said that. I went straight up to my dorm room with Elio following. I slammed the dorm behind me just to have Elio open it again. "I'm here for you. You know that."

My eyes were watering and I could feel myself lose control of my facial expression. "I don't want you to be-" my voice was starting to break. Elio was trying to get closer to me, but I didn't want him to touch me. I was taking a step back for every step forward he took. "I don't like that you were right." I said. "Elio." I was going to tell him. "Theo and I-" The door opened. I turned towards the wall to hide my tears.

"Get out!" Elio yelled. When I heard the door close again and I wiped my eyes I turned back around.

"Who was it?" I asked. Elio didn't say anything, but I could only guess who it was.

"Keep going. What were you going to say?" Elio asked. I thought about it. Then decided against it.

"Nothing."

"Aurora, I want to help you."

"You can't." I said.

"I can. Talk to me about how you feel."

"You're my brother, Elio. How can I possibly talk to you about every way a boy hurt me?" He still had that same look of pity on his face as I openly cried in front of him. "He said he loved me. All while he had another girl. How am I supposed to be okay after that? How am I ever supposed to trust another person after that?" This was all rhetorical and I'm glad Elio understood that.