~ Chapter Forty Four ~

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~ (y/n)'s POV ~

"(y/n) has won the match!"

I was shaken out of my zone and snapped my head up from the floor. I look around and see Shoto who was filled with shock and concern. I then turned my head to see my dad with a slight smile on his face, almost as if he was...proud.

But the reason why this grin was on his face was still a mystery to me. All of a sudden, I saw Shoto limp over to me, well, I should be saying next to me. I looked down to where he was, and he was just sitting in front of Marlo with wide eyes. I looked down at the unconscious boy and shuddered in fear. 'What happened to him?' I thought to myself, horrified by his state.

My memory felt blank and I couldn't remember anything that happened after I was slammed into the wall. All I know Is that I was blinded by pure rage and could only see world through flaming blood red lenses.

He was lying on his stomach, breathing unsteadily, blood trickling out of his mouth and pooling on the matted floor. Some of his feathers seemed to be bent in awkward directions, and his flesh was covered in scrapes and bruises.

I felt my muscles ache with regret, even though I have no recollection of doing any of this to him. But deep down I knew that I was the cause of this. Looking back in it now, the taste of victory wasn't as sweet as I had hoped it to be, in fact, it was left  quite a bitter aftertaste in my mouth. If this is what winning meant, then I didn't want it, not if it involved hurting my loved ones.

I hugged my arms to my chest and let my head hang low as I walked away from Marlo and Shoto, grabbing my bag and things, and started to head over to the dressing rooms to get cleaned up and changed back into my street clothes.

But before I could make it even twenty feet, I was stopped by a grand hand placing itself on my shoulder. My eyes widened and my mouth parted in the slightest at the sudden contact. I raise my gaze up and was met with a softened version of his icy stare that felt all to familiar.

"Great work. I hope to see more of that drive in our future training, alright?" He inquired, patting my shoulder, before walking away.

He...he was proud of me...this felt amazing.

Even though I was overjoyed that he was finally proud of me, something that I had been wanting from him my entire life, I wasn't gonna show it. The pride I felt was quickly swallowed by the amount of guilt I had of doing that to another person.

This feeling triggered a memory of how Katsuki wanted to fight me, so that we could see who was the stronger friend. I hugged my arms tighter and looked back down towards the floor solemnly. I don't want to hurt Katsuki the way I did Marlo. Even though it would break his heart most likely that the one thing he wanted from me, I wouldn't be willing to do, I would find another way to make him happy, I just know it.

I feel like I had been doing that a lot, letting people down by not doing the only thing they ask of me. Even if it was for my own selfish gain, or for the greater good of that person's wellbeing, I just couldn't do it, I can't do the one thing they want.

With an exasperated sigh, I trudged back to the dressing room and cleaned myself up, rinsing off in the shower and changing into a clean pair of clothes. I felt refreshed enough to the point where I could put on a smile to hide the fact how crappy I felt inside.

I put my glasses back on and looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes landed on the scar over my eye and I was brought back to that god forsaken night. How was he able to do that to people? Kill them without a second thought, and not bat an eye to what he had done? It amazed me and terrified me at the same time, how numb someone can get.

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