For my sister | Negan |

11 - Another day in paradise

'Are you fucking crazy?' I yell at her as soon as we've entered our house. She tries to walk away from me, but I grab her shoulder and turn her back around to face me.

'Ella, what were you thinking? It's a miracle he didn't kill you. Or me, for that matter, did you think about that? You didn't actually think that the two of you could kill him, did you?'

'At least we did something!' she yells back. 'We didn't just roll over and surrender like the rest of you! I mean, look at you!'

I recoil a little when she points at me accusingly and starts to put on an annoying silly voice.

'Great pasta, Negan', she says, pulling a face as she mimicks me. 'Don't worry, Negan, I'll talk to my stupid little sister, we'll be good, we'll do whatever you want.'

'Stop it', I snarl at her.

'We can't live like this!' she continues. 'We had to try.'

'Ella, you know what he's done!' I yell at her. 'I can't believe we have to keep having this conversation over and over again, he killed our friends like it was nothing, he won't hesitate to do that again.'

'Exactly! Which is why he needs to die! We'll never be safe as long as he's around!'

'Ugh!' I yell frustratedly as I push past her to make my way to the living room. I pace around the room to try and get my anger under control. She drives me nuts. I understand why she wants to take action, because it's for the very same reason that I want us to stay in line. We both just want to be safe, but the way we want to go about it is very different.

My eye lands on Ella when she walks into the living room as well and leans against the wall. She seems a little calmer now and she looks away from me as she prepares to say something.

'But you don't have to worry', she says more quietly now. 'I won't try anything like that again. I won't give him an excuse to hurt you. I... didn't think about that.'

'You didn't think he'd hurt me?'

'No, I just thought... if it all goes well we'll be rid of him and things will be better for you. And if it doesn't go well and I get killed... things would be better for you as well.'

I stare at her in stunned silence after that. Where on earth is this coming from? How can she think that I'd be okay with losing her?

'Ella', I say, my voice a little thick with emotion as I approach her. 'What are you saying? You think I'd be better off without you?'

I place my hands on her upper arms and squeeze her gently. I don't even know how to feel about what she's saying. Does it mean that she didn't care whether she'd live or not?

'You are everything to me. You're all I care about. I'd be nothing without you.'

'I know', she says desperately. Her eyes are filled with tears when she looks up at me. 'That's exactly why you'd be better off without me. You put yourself in danger by hiding those meds, for me. You let that man kiss you, for me. He just asked you to marry him? I'm glad you said no, but what will you say when he keeps asking? When he offers you those meds in return when I start having seizures again?'

'Ella-' I start, but she doesn't let me finish.

'I don't want you to do all these things for me', she continues. 'Because in the end, it doesn't even matter. Even if we would have those meds that he stole from us, we'd only last a few more years. Without them... I know you're worried about me every single second of the day and we both know that eventually something will go wrong and after all that time of worrying and pain and doing things you didn't want to do... I'll still die.'

I let my hands drop from her arms almost subconsciously and take a small step back. I feel like all the blood in my body has gone cold. She can't ask me to give up on her. I never will. But the truth of her words is undeniable.

'We could all die any moment', I tell her. 'We could have years together, even with the seizures. You can't expect me to be okay with you risking your life so carelessly.'

I swallow hard before I ask her the question that seems to be stuck in my throat.

'Do you... don't you want to live?'

Her face scrunches up a little and she looks away from me as she clearly battles more tears. I want to hold her, to tell her everything will be okay. But I'm afraid that this time it isn't so simple.

'I don't want to die', she says in a croaked voice. 'But... mom died because of me. So did dad. I can't live with myself if bad things happen to you too, because of me.'

'But Ella', I say, my heart stinging at the sight of her in such distress, 'I can't think of a worse thing that could happen to me, than losing you.'

Ella looks back at me and now she breaks down competely. I step forward and take her into my arms, hugging her tightly against me.

'It's going to be okay, El', I say, kissing the top of her head as she shakes with sobs in my arms. 'The only way we get through this, is together. You got that?'

'Okay', she says softly, the sound of her voice muffled by my shoulder.

'I know things are bad right now, but I'm sure that eventually-'

BOOM

We jump apart when we hear the unmistakable sound of a gun shot outside. We look at each other with wide eyes and then make our way to the door in a hurry.

'Stay here', I tell Ella idly. I wasn't really expecting her to listen, and she doesn't. We both hurry down the street where we can see a lot of people gathered.

I grab her hand to keep her close and together we approach the restless crowd. By the time we arrive, Negan's leaving, to my relief. But then my eyes fall on the ground and with a gasp, I pull Ella back and hug her to me to keep her from seeing what I just saw and what will be ingrained in my brain for the rest of my life.

Spencer, dead on the ground. His stomach ripped open and his guts all out on the floor. I don't even find out until later that Olivia was killed as well and Eugene was taken away from us for making the bullet Rosita used to try and kill Negan.

Another day in paradise.