For my sister | Negan |

40 - Queen of the Sanctuary

I can't focus on a damn thing today. My mind keeps flashing back to last night and everything that happened with Negan. Sometimes my face just turns red randomly, remembering specific moments. Myeong has already thrown me a few curious looks.

In the end, I didn't spend the entire night with him. I would have liked to stay. And he wanted me to. But I didn't think Ella would believe it if I told her I fell asleep in the doctor's office again. So I made up a vague story about one of the patients crashing and hope she doesn't ask anybody else about it.

Being away from Negan, I start to think everything through again. I don't regret what happened. It was all too good for that. Not just the sex but the bath as well, and the time we spent afterwards. We had some more wine and stayed cuddled up in he's bed for a while, just taking. It was really nice. But still, I feel physically sick at the thought of Ella finding out about it.

And I remind myself again not to let my feelings get the better of me. He already has my mind occupied. I wonder if he thinks about me today at all. With all the women he sleeps with, how much can he really care about all of them?

But despite my best efforts, he's all I think about the entire morning. Hoping to find some distraction in Ella and my friends, I head down to the cafeteria for lunch. Thankfully, things have started to quiet down a little since most patients are making a steady recovering. So there's no need to have lunch on the go, for once.

Though I actually slept pretty amazing once I got to my room, it was pretty late, so I had a short night. I try to stifle a yawn as I set down my tray and take a seat, but B notices it anyway.

'All the hard work starting to get to you? B asks compassionately. She sits next to Cal and opposite of Ella who has finally warmed up to her a little.

'Negan went to get her yesterday for some emergency. Apparently it took half the night', Ella tells her, her tone clearly disapproving.

'Oh?' B asks. 'What was the emergency? I thought everyone was starting to do better.'

'Yeah', I say, keeping my eyes down on my plate. 'Just this one guy... that got shot. He was, I don't know... he had an infection.'

Everybody stares at me in silence for a little while when I fail to elaborate. I make sure not to meet anyone's eye.

'Is he... feeling better now?' B asks after some time.

'Yeah, yeah, much better', I tell her quickly. 'He pulled through. Everyone's much better, with any luck I might just get to spend a full night in my bed for once.'

I smile at Ella, but she watches me kind of suspiciously. I know my story's flimsy, so I think it's best to just change the subject. Fortunately, I'm saved the trouble. Because Negan makes a surprise appearance at the platform.

We don't notice he's there until people around us start to get up from their chairs to sink down to their knees. After a glance at the platform, where he proudly overlooks us all, we get up to do the same. Guess I won't be getting him out of my head after all.

'It's been a rough couple of fucking days, hasn't it?'

I crane my neck to look up when Negan begins his speech. He looks entirely relaxed as he walks across the platform, mindlessly swinging Lucille from side to side. I wonder how often he gives a speech like this.

'Prick and his merry band of dicks made the mistake of thinking they could screw us over. That was a mistake. I've been generous. I've been forgiving. After they came in and wreaked havoc at the Sattelite, I could have killed them all. Take everything they had. But I gave them a chance to work for us.'