For my sister | Negan |

55 - Disappointed

It's been hours since they brought me here. A dark room barely larger than a closet. My hands are still tied at my back, killing my recently dislocated shoulder.

Despite my protests, they brought me right back to the Sanctuary. I'm not sure why they were out there when they had no business there, according to Cal. But they were relentless. I begged them to let me go, but of course, it was no use. The guy that caught me dragged me to his motorbike and with my hands tied and a gun to my head, there was little I could do about it. My only relief is that as far as I know, they didn't manage to catch Cal, B and Ella. Maybe they made it to the Hilltop.

But it's no relief at all that for the first time since the start of the alocalypse, I am without my sister. I cried for a long time, feeling entirely desperate to be here on my own. It drives me crazy not knowing where she is and if she's even okay. I might never see her again. I'm trapped here. Negan will never let me go and he'll never leave me unguarded again. There won't be another chance to escape. And there will be punishment. What if he kills me for what I did? Then I really won't see her again and she might never know what happened to me.

I don't know what to do when he comes to see me. Should I beg him and cry? Tell him it was all a mistake and plead for his forgiveness? Or should I save my dignity and grant him no such satisfaction? Not show him any emotion and refuse to do anything he wants from now on? I don't know if what I do or say will even make a difference. I'm sure he's already decided what to do with me before he walks in.

The longer it takes, the more nervous I get. I know what he's capable of, of course. How he killed Glen and Abraham. He tossed his last doctor into a fire. They tried to torture Daryl into obedience. He's warned me again and again that there would be consequences if I tried to run away. So in the hours by myself in the dark, my mind comes up with all kinds of horrible scenarios.

I'm not sure what time it is when the door finally opens, but light pours in, so the night must have passed. I don't want to face him from the ground, so I struggle to my feet and stand up tall. But I don't think it does much to make me look any less scared. My heart is in my throat when Negan whistles his familiar tune and slowly makes his way into the cell. He takes his time to turn around and face me. But then his eyes lock onto mine.

In the light coming in from the hallway, I can see the bruises and scratches on his face. When I wasn't busy contemplating what would happen to me these past hours, I did wonder what went down in Alexandria. We were hoping to find out at the Hilltop, but of course that's no longer an option for me.

'You're hurt', I say. The words slip out without thinking. Maybe it's my doctor's intuition. Maybe it's the part of me that started to care for him that doesn't like to see it.

He twitches almost unnoticeably, but quickly composes himself again.

'You should see the other guy', he says, taking a menacing step in my direction.

'What happened at Alexandria?' I ask in a small voice. I know it's a stupid thing to ask. It might piss him off even more. But I want to know. And I ruined my trust with him already, anyway.

'I burned it to the ground.' He says it coolly. Unbothered. But his words chill my blood. Alexandria is destroyed? What about its people?

'You killed everyone?' I ask, my voice trembling now.

His eyes never leave mine as he closes the distance between us. I'd like to look away, but I don't dare to.

He's right in front of me now. And without warning, he swings Lucille up higher and presses its point to my chest, pushing me back against the wall.

'We are not here to talk about me. Or about Alexandria. Are we, doctor?'

I only look at him with wide eyes. His bat has always scared the crap out of me and I don't like to feel it against my body. He looks calm, but I'm not sure if I like that any better than if he was angry right now. My mind flashes back to that moment he confronted me about the meds I tried to hide. He was calm as well then, but so, so scary.