For my sister | Negan |

66 - All forgiven

Finally, Ella and I get a moment to ourself. When we're finally done talking everything over with Rick and the others, Ella takes me to a trailer that she's been staying at with Cal and B. I'm excited to see them too, but right now I'm glad they're not here, so we can have a little privacy.

'I tried to get to you', Ella says, throwing her arms around me again as soon as we're in the trailer. 'I didn't want to leave you behind, but Cal wouldn't let me. I cried all the rest of the way.'

'Oh honey, I know', I tell her. 'I heard you. I'm glad he did, though, and that you got here safely. But ugh, I was so fucking scared. I didn't know if you guys had been caught as well or if you made it through the woods.'

'Tell me everything that happened', Ella says urgently, disentangling herself from me, but keeping my hand in hers. 'Did... did they hurt you? Was he very angry?'

'He was... pretty angry', I admit, remembering how he yelled at me and forced me to my knees by my injured shoulder. 'But then he just... told me to work for him again.'

'He was hurt too, though?' she asks, sounding pretty gleeful. 'From the attack on Alexandria?'

But then her face turns more sober again.

'Did they do anything to you?' she asks worriedly. 'To make you save him?'

'Uhm... no', I tell her tentatively. I made up my mind on the car. I can lie to everybody. But not to her. Not anymore.

'Ella... I want to tell you the truth. But you won't like it... I don't think you'll understand it. And I need you to promise me you won't tell anybody.'

'What do you mean?' she asks nervously. Her eyebrows sink down into a worried stare as she looks at me. 'What are you taking about?'

I sigh deeply before I answer her. This could change the whole way she looks at me. It might never be the same between us.

'Negan was never in any danger. The real reason he let me go is... Because he cares about me.'

I tell her everything. I mean, obviously I skip some of the more intimate details here and there, but I tell her everything from the first time I chose to kiss him when he gave us those meds, to how I kept feeling this stronger and stronger pull towards him which eventually led to him asking me to be in a relationship with him, to how he wanted me with him even after I tried to run and to how I couldn't kill him even when I had the chance because, no matter how hard I tried not to, I care about him.

And then I tell her that he let me go to get back to her. With no ulterior motives, as far as I can tell. And that he even gave me the full supply of meds. Just like that.

I don't tell her that I told him I'd miss him. Or how true that is. That's something only him and I need to know.

When I'm done, Ella's face has passed a full dozen of emotions. But now she stares a little numbly into the room.

'You were right', she mumbles. 'I don't like it and I don't understand it.'

'I get that', I say nervously. 'Honestly, I don't really understand it either. I didn't mean for it to happen.'

'I just...' she says, shaking her head as of the truth of it all still needs to hit her. 'I can't believe you managed to keep this all from me.'

'I never wanted to lie to you', I say quickly. 'But I... I didn't know how to tell you.'

'I can see why', she says, raising her eyebrows. 'I wouldn't either.'

'God, El', I say anxiously. I've been twirling around a strand of hair to give some sort of relief to my anxiety and I twist it around my finger once more.