For my sister | Negan |

67 - Save him

I wait impatiently for them to return. I agreed to come with, but I never learned how to fight, so I hide in a cabin near to the place Rick and the others are checking out. Close in case anybody needs medical help, but far enough to not get caught up in the action.

Ella didn't want me to go. If she could have, I'm pretty sure she would have chained me to the wall. But in the end, she understood that me being here could save lives. I didn't want to leave her either, after finally getting back to her. But she's in good hands. Cal and B are with her. So are Tara and many others from the Hilltop. I'll keep myself out of danger and made her promise to do the same over there. We'll be together again soon. And with any luck, this mess will finally be over.

There's another doctor now, too. His name's Siddiq. He offered to come along in my stead, but he's weak from living on the roads on his own for a long time. So everybody decided it would be best for him to stay behind.

He's the one that Carl died for. Thr kid got bit, trying to help this guy out. I don't think anyone could bear it, if this man died, making Carl's sacrifice be in vain.

I startle a bit when they show up back at the cabin. They're covered in blood, but it doesn't seem to be their own. I swallow, wondering if I ever met any of the Saviours that got killed.

'Is everyone okay?' I ask Rick, walking out the door when they're close enough. 'Does anyone need my help?'

'We're okay', he tells me. 'They didn't see us coming. But we were right, it was a trap.'

'Really?' I ask anxiously. 'So, now what?'

'We found the real location', Rick tells me, holding up some sort of map. 'We're gonna have to walk for a bit.'

'Okay', I say, trying to hide my nerves. I don't want to walk straight into some sort of ambush. Or Saviours patrolling the area. I need to get back to Ella at the end of all this.

'It's going to be okay', Michonne tells me, spotting the nerves on my face anyway. 'Long before we get to the place, we'll find you somewhere to hide. We can't afford to lose you again.'

Seeing the determination in her eyes, convinces me. I never really fully trusted Rick. I just couldn't forget the wild look on his face when he first came to Alexandria. Or when he had some sort of manic breakdown in the middle of the street until Michonne knocked him out.

But Michonne always had this kind of calmness over her. I liked her right away. And though I've always had some reservations about Rick, I feel confident in trusting her. Deanna chose to train her to become a leader within the community for a reason.

So I nod. And I follow the group on the hike.

And it's a long fucking hike. I admit that I don't have the greatest physically condition. I mean, I can stay upright for a surgery for hours, but I never really enjoyed other forms of physical exertion much. Soon, I'm sweating and slagging at the back of the group, struggling a little bit to keep up.

Several people have walked up to me to find out how I'm doing and to ask about my time at the Sanctuary. I decide not to go into too much detail about it and they accept it as not wanting to delve back into painful memories.

And the memories are painful. But not in the way they think they are. Because I keep thinking about him. The nights he made me come to his room to discuss my "performance" and receive new medication. Uncomfortable at first, but after a time, surprisingly enjoyable. The nights I spent in his bed... There weren't many, but they certainly made an impact. That time in the shower together, that time in my office... My God! I can't let my mind wander to those times. Not when I'm surrounded by other people.