For my sister | Negan |

61 - Some time to think

I wasn't expecting to actually fall asleep, but I must have because I wake up the next morning to the sound of a shower turning on. I don't linger in drowsiness, but quickly snap into alertness when I realize that I'm in Negan's bed. It's empty besides me, though. Which explains the sounds of the shower.

Last night feels like a fever dream. From the moment I stood beside him with a gun to the moment he held that thing to my temple to when we practically devoured each other in passionate lovemaking, nothing actually feels real. But the fact that I'm lying naked in his bed is clear proof that it was.

The absurdity of it all makes me feel completely restless, so I jump out of the bed and gather my clothes. Then, once I'm dressed, I take an anxious look towards the bathroom where the sounds of running water suddenly seize.

He'll be back here soon. What should I do? What if he's still mad at me for what I almost tried to do? Yes, we somehow ended up in each other's arms last night, but our emotions were all over the place. What if he decides today that there should be some form of punishment?

I could try to make a run for it. Escape his room before he gets back from the shower and hide so I'd never have to face him again.

I shake my head. There's nowhere to hide within the Sanctuary and there's no way I'm getting out. Whatever he's thinking or feeling, I'm going to have to face it. And I'm going to have to face it now.

When the door of the bathroom opens, I take a few quick steps back and perch on the edge of the bed to make it look like I wasn't just contemplating getting the hell out of here. Then I try to appear much much calmer than I'm feeling when it's time to face Negan.

He's wearing nothing but a pair of boxers when he walks out. And his hair is still a little wet from the shower. He looks so different than he does when he's facing a crowd in full ornate. But he is never not intimidating.

A slight frown forms on his face when he sees me looking at him and he doesn't say anything. That can't be a good sign.

'Hi', I say, trying to sound cheerful while I force a smile to my face.

'Hi', he says rather shortly. Then he wanders into the room to his clothes and begins to get dressed.

'Did you um... have a good shower?' I ask him. Negan throws me a short glance and I notice the smirk on his face. We both know it's not what I want to ask him. I'm just too anxious to ask him the real questions.

'I had a great shower', he says in a somewhat sarcastic undertone. 'Gave me some time to think.'

'Think about what?' I ask, trying to sound casual even though my heart is in my throat.

'Think about what the hell I'm going to do', he answers, putting on a t-shirt after he's zipped up his pants and closed his belt. 'Do about Rick, about the Hilltop... About you.'

'And?' I ask hesitantly. I'm not sure if I'm ready to hear his answer.

He looks at me and lets his eyes glide down from my anxious eyes to my foot that I'm tapping nervously on the ground. I quit when I realise he's looking at it.

'And I'm calling off the attack on the Hilltop. For now.'

'Really?' I ask, the hopefulness clear and eager in my voice. Ella will be safe. I realize that he said for now, but I'll take it. It buys me more time to come up with something.

'Yes', Negan confirms, starting to make his way over to me. He locks his eyes onto mine again and there's a vicious glint in them that makes it impossible to relax despite the good news.

'If', he says, grabbing my chin to make sure I don't look away. 'You tell me something.'

'What?' I ask breathlessly, feeling more vulnerable than I'd like with my face in his hand.