For my sister | Negan |

51 - You're a hero

'Holy hell! That shit was sick as fuck!'

Negan seems more excited than terrified when we finally make it to the safety of the Sanctuary. I'm the opposite. I'm doubled over with my hands on my knees, trying not to break down into hysterics.

I am alive.
I am alive.
I am alive.

The only way to keep it together is to keep telling myself that.

'Christina', Negan says, leaning down in front of me to get within my line of sight. 'It's alright, sweetheart. We made it.'

That we did. But don't ask me how.

Once we were all smeared up with walker-guts, Negan said that he was going to open the door. The plan was to let the trailer fill up and then move outside with the crowd as walkers would probably be stumbling in and out of the trailer. The trick is to move just like them. Slowly, mindlessly. No sudden movements.

'Okay', Negan said. 'Let's make some noise.'

He raised Lucille to bang the walls als pull their attention, but I held out my hand and told him to wait.

'Wait! Please. I... I need another minute.'

'Another minute isn't going to make this any easier.'

'I know, but... I just don't want to die, Negan.'

I didn't think I'd be able to do it. Even the thought of walking into that herd made me want to crawl up and cry.

'I know', he said, his tone softer. He made his way over to me and took a hold of my hand. Though I was still very mad at him, he was the only one there to comfort me, so I let him.

'You're not going to die, okay? You know why? Because I don't die. I'm a motherfucking cat and I have not played out my 9 lives. And I will hold on to you until we're safely inside, so you're not dying either.'

'You're a cat?' I repeated, sounding dumbfounded. I have never met anyone who was so stupidly secure in his own abilities as Negan. But at that moment, I suppose it's what I needed.

'We can do it, okay?' he asked, looking into my eyes with a strangely reassuring intensity.

'Can you promise me something?' I asked him.

'What?' he asked curiously.

'If I don't make it, but you do-'

'That's not going to happen.'

'In case it does', I said sharply. 'Promise me you'll take care of Ella. And when this war with Alexandria ends... If it ends...'

'It will.'

'You'll let her go home.'

'She'll be safer with me', he protested.

'Just... please', I begged him. 'And you'll let her have all her meds too.'

I figured that if I did die, at least I could do this one last thing for her. Of course, I never would have known if Negan actually would have done it. But if there was some way to come back as a ghost and haunt him, I would have done it if he would have ignored my plea.

'Okay', Negan said reluctantly. 'I'll let Ella go wherever she wants to go. Okay?'

'Yes', I said, relieved.

At least at Alexandria, she'd be with her friends. Maybe she could find happiness there again. Even without me.

'But it's not going to be necessary', he tried to reassure me, brushing his thumb over my jaw for the shortest moment. 'You'll be back with your sister soon.'