For my sister | Negan |

46 - Maybe

'Maybe', I answer his question nervously. 'Can I talk to you? Do you have time?'

'For you, always', he says, winking at me before he makes way so I can enter his room. When I do, I realize that we're not alone. Eugene rises from a chair upon my arrival.

I haven't seen him in a while. And I remember now how I felt when I found out that he joined Negan's side. I was absolutely disgusted. I wonder what anyone from Alexandria would think if they saw me here now.

'Hello, Christina', he greets me rather formally. 'Glad to see you've accustomed yourself to life in the Sanctuary.'

'Yes', I say, feeling a little awkward. I guess I'd been avoiding Eugene a little. At first, I felt so angry at him for turning his back on his friends at Alexandria. Later, I was afraid to face the fact that I was heading the same way as him. Of course, I never stopped caring about Alexandria. But my feelings towards Negan certainly make everything complicated.

I don't know what else to say, so we look at each other in uncomfortable silence for a moment. Fortunately, Negan comes up and breaks it.

'We're gonna have to pick this up later, Eugene. I need to have a one-on-one with my doctor.'

'Of course, sir', he says, half-bowing at him. It suddenly hits me that I haven't bowed to him in a while. Not when we're alone, anyway. He hasn't said anything about it.

'Goodnight to you both', Eugene says, flicking his eyes to me for just a second. Then he's out the door, leaving me alone with Negan.

Though I've definitely been more comfortable around Negan lately... probably more comfortable than I should have been... this time, I feel nervous again. Because I'm not sure how he'll react to what I'm about to say.

'Honestly, I wasn't expecting you so soon', he says, sauntering over to me. 'I assumed you'd need some more time.'

'Well, I think I know what I want... I just need to talk to you about something first.'

'Okay', he says, looking at me questioningly. But then he reaches out to me and draws me to him.

'Why don't you come here for a second first. You don't have to be so nervous. Promise I won't get mad either way.'

I offer him a short, shaky smile before he kisses me. It does help. Some of the anxiety rushing through me seems to calm down a little now that he has his arms around me.

'Now, tell me', he says, far too soon for my liking. I take a deep breath and break out of the comfort of his arms to take a step back. I need to put some distance between us, or I'm not sure that I'll be able to withstand him if he tries to make me change my mind.

'I have been thinking about what you asked me', I tell him, stating the obvious. 'A lot.'

'And?' he asks expectantly. He looks like he wants to come closer again, but catches himself in the last moment. I'm happy he manages to hold himself back.

'And it's totally crazy', I blurt out, making him chuckle. 'But...'

I can't believe there's a but. There shouldn't be a but. But here we are.

'If you meant everything you said, I think that we could be good for each other. Like you said.'

The smile that spreads over his face makes my heart flutter for a moment. To be honest, I'm still not entirely sure that he means everything, or that it is some sort of trick, like B said. But right now, he seems genuinely happy.

'Is that a yes?' he asks, approaching me after all now. I would love to let him hold me, but I take a few steps back, because I'm not done yet.

'There's a but', I tell him, to which he stops moving closer.