For my sister | Negan |

45 - A bad idea

So, last night was amazing. I almost said yes because of it. In fact, I think I yelled out yes a couple of times, but not in agreement to his proposal.

Not an actual marriage proposal, thank God, but even so... He's basically asking me to start a real relationship with him. Of all the things I thought might happen when Negan first walked through the gates of Alexandria, this option certainly never crossed my mind.

The answer should be an easy no after everything he's done. But it doesn't feel easy. Because he makes me feel so good when we're together. Like last night, I'm not even sure exactly what he did with his tongue down there, but it was unlike anything I've ever experienced before.

And it's not even just the sex. It's the way he looks at me, the way he touches me. How he makes me laugh and how we talk. And maybe most importantly, how he makes me feel like I don't have to do everything on my own.

Congratulations. This is what it feels like to be in love.

'Oh my God, stop it.'

'Did I... do something wrong?'

I look up startled when Tom appears by my side, carrying the extra bandages I asked for. I'm down in our make-shift infirmary, taking care of the last remaining victims of the altercation with Alexandria. Most of the patients recovered enough to return to their rooms and I think we'll be able to dismiss three more today.

Myeong and I split our time between the infirmary and the doctor's office now, so we can also take care of the other resident's medical needs. I've asked Negan if she can keep working with me permanently and fortunately, he agreed. We might also look into training Jake later on, but for now, he's needed in his usual department, maintenance. So we're a team of three now. Me, Myeong and Cal's replacement Tom. He still hasn't exactly lived up to his predecessor, but I'm trying to be patient with him.

'Uhm, no', I say, feeling embarrassed about talking to myself again. 'Thanks for those.'

I take the bandages from him and hurry away. I'm not in the mood to talk to anybody, I've got too much to think about. When I finally came back to our room last night, my talk with Ella was hard enough.

'You were gone for ages', she exclaimed when I walked through the door.

'I know', I replied. 'But, look what I got you.'

I tossed her the rabbit I found in the storage room and was glad to see a smile appear on her face when she caught it.

'He looks just like Mister Bunny!'

'I know! Thought you might like it.'

'It's cute', she said, walking over to hug me. I took a deep breath when she did, preparing myself for the other news I knew I had to give her. But only because there was no way I'd be able to hide it.

'If you liked that, you're gonna go crazy about what I'll be telling you next.'

'What?' She asked excitedly, pulling away from me.

I made an effort to look enthusiastic and put on a smile before I told her the "good" news.

'Negan's bringing the meds to our room. We'll finally have free access to them.'

'No way!' she exclaimed, squeezing my shoulders in excitement. 'So we have everything! We can get out of here!'

'We still have to work out the details...' I said, trying to reign in her excitement a little bit. It was no use. She started planning our escape immediately. The entire time, I just wanted to sink through the floor and disappear. It's becoming more and more apparent that I don't want to leave this place. But how do I ever tell her that?