For my sister | Negan |

20 - On the same team

I don't manage to get much more sleep, but having a free morning still feels pretty good. Ella does get picked up to go to work in the morning, despite her protests, so I spend the morning on my own. It feels like the first time since I got here that I actually get to process everything and calm myself down a little.

Last night was horrible. Losing a patient was something I could never really deal with. More experienced doctors used to tell me you get used to it after a while, though it never gets easy. But I never even got used to it. And the way poor Walter went out... I don't think I'll be forgetting that any time soon.

I try to find some ways to get my mind off of it. The room Negan gave us is well-supplied. I haven't really explored the room that well yet, but since I've got the time now, I decide to open up some cabinets and I find a collection of dvd's. I gasp at the discovery. I haven't seen a movie in ages. The tv turns out to have a dvd-player attached, so I decide to turn it on. Being able to watch a movie actually helps me shut off my brain for a while. That's something I haven't been able to do in ages.

Around noon, there's a knock on the door. I'm expecting Cal to be there to take me to lunch and then to work, like Negan said, but when I open the door, I'm surprised.

'Oh', I say a little stupidly when I find Negan himself in the door opening. Then I remember to bow to him, so I get down on one knee. Fortunately he tells me to get back up pretty quickly.

'I wasn't expecting you', I say when I'm up from the floor again. 'You said Cal would pick me up, didn't you?'

'I did', he says. 'But I wanted to see how you were doing after last night. Are you feeling any better?'

Alright, so he was pretty nice last night, and now he's come over to check on me? Is any of this real, or is he just trying to win me over?

'Oh', I say again. 'Yes, I'm feeling a little better. Didn't get much sleep anymore, but it was nice to have some time to myself, I guess.'

He's always so close. And he's always maintaining such intimate eye contact. I often find myself looking away from his hazel eyes, because it makes me nervous to look into them. But I make sure to smile and to keep my eyes on his anyway.

'That's good to hear', he says, sounding pretty genuine. 'To make you feel even better, I thought some fresh air might do you some good.'

It takes me a beat to realize what he's saying. But when it hits me, I can't hide my excitement.

'I can go outside?' I ask him, a real smile making its way to my face this time. I haven't been outside in three days, not since they dragged me here. All I've seen these past few days are this room, the doctor's office, Negan's room, the cafeteria and a lot of grey hallways. Just the thought of feeling the sun on my skin again lifts my spirit.

Negan chuckles at my excitement and turns around to get going.

'Come on', he calls out. 'We'll have a little picnic, sweetheart.'

As I follow Negan through the building, I try to get my nerves under control. I wasn't expecting to see him, so I wasn't mentally prepared to face him. Of course, I wasn't yesterday either, but I was too fucked up to put on any kind of act anyway. Fortunately, it seems to have worked to my advantage. Or he wouldn't be here to see how I'm doing, right?

I sigh in relief and close my eyes for a second to soak up the son when we step outside the building. It's hot, but there's a nice breeze today. I didn't even fully realize how trapped I felt until now.

'Happy?' Negan asks, looking amused as he watches me.

'Very', I say. 'If you'd kept me locked up in there much longer, I might have lost my mind.'