For my sister | Negan |

53 - I'll be here

'What the fuck?' Cal exclaims, expressing all of our feelings.

We watch in horror as the walkers start to stream past the truck, into the lower level of the building. Then it hits me. The lower level is where all the workers are. Where Ella is.

I sprint outside without another word, but get pushed back quickly by the throng of people rushing through the hallway. Some are fleeing away from the stairs, some towards it with their guns raised.

I run after them all the way to the platform where I oversee a terrible chaos. Walkers are everywhere, chewing down on screaming people, trying to come up the stairs... What if she's out there? I have to find her.

'What the hell do you think you're doing?'

Negan grabs me before I can run down the stairs and pulls me back.

'I have to find Ella', I say desperately, letting him turn me around to look into his eyes. For a second, we're locked in each other's gaze. His lips are pursed and his eyebrows have sunk down deep as he watches me with worried eyes. In a single desperate thought, I want to cling on to him. Let him save us both.

Then he snaps his fingers at a nearby Savior and practically tosses me into his arms.

'Get her out of here', he orders. 'Take her to safety. And have somebody find her fucking sister.'

'Wait!'

He doesn't wait. I can see him rush down the stairs and take out walkers left and right while the Savior drags me away, back into my hallway.

'Where does she work?' he asks me. 'Your sister.'

'Repairs', I tell him quickly.

'Okay, good', the Savior says. 'I think they got out the other way. It's gonna be alright, doc.'

He's nice, trying to reassure me. But I just want to jump into the crowd and look for her. What if one of those bodies on the ground was her? I can't keep doing this. It's going to tear me apart.

But when we reach our room, I am extatic to find out I'll be spared spending hours in agony again. She's already there.

'Oh my God', I sigh relieved, pulling her in for a hug. 'I'm so glad you're here. Are you alright?'

'I'm okay', she says, though she sounds anxious. 'You?'

'Yes. Physically anyway. Mentally, I don't know how much more of this shit I can take.'

Ella smiles understandingly and drags me to my bed.

'You should sit down. You look exhausted.'

'No', I protest. 'I should get back to my office. There will be injuries.'

'No, you can't go out there while there's walkers running around. We should wait here till it's safe.'

Reluctantly, I nod. There will be people that need my help. But I can hear the chaos outside our room. I'm not sure I'll be able to do much in the middle of that. And if a walker catches on to me, I won't be able to help anybody.

Besides, a shiver runs down my spine even thinking about those things. I can still feel their bodies brushing up against me. For Ella, I would have jumped right in. But not for anybody else.

We wait in silence for things to calm down outside. It feels a little uncomfortable to be doing nothing. But really, what could we do? I decide to take the time to spare my strength because I'm sure I'll have to dive in soon enough. When the chaos has been subdued and it becomes clear how many people are wounded.