Until We Meet🤎 ~ jayules

94

wednesday
bartels's household ♥️
8:09 am

~ jayden pov

today i have a volleyball game. the boys football game is friday and i'm sure there will be parties that i won't be attending. lately i've been invisible at home. the only time i feel seen is when i'm at school or with jules. even when i'm doing youtube videos. i posted a talking video on an update of my life last night because i needed to rant. i titled it 'here's the real truth' everyone who's seen it is dming me to check on me. i've said something about my mental state not being great right now and how alone i feel. i talked about the times i feel seen and appreciated too so that it's not that sad. it was just a sit down video to let everything out somewhere. but last night i was so sad i wasn't being paid attention to i stayed in my room all day in the dark playing video games and then i watched 5 feet apart after i did my homework. when i tell you i felt the most lonely feeling anybody could ever feel i felt it. extremely. it was super strong. i cried at the movie and cried over how my mom treats me. i am a bag of shit to her. bronny was out all day because of his game and my dad had an overnight shift. darian did text me checking up on me he asked if i wanted him to stop by for company. i lied and told him no i'm keeping myself busy and he surprisingly believed me. the truth was i sobbing my heart out sending him those texts😔. and a lot of people discourage me for what i've been through with jules without knowing my story. my life is way more shit than it was before i met jules. she brought a light to my world when i met her. but she burnt out the light. welcome to my life.

i'm awake i've already showered and i'm basically all ready for school. i'm wearing my volleyball uniform i'm sitting in my bed tying my shoes. that's the last thing i have to do before i leave besides getting my backpack that's already packed. i'm not hungry i've lost my appetite lately.

my door opens and i see my mom, "i didn't even know you were here you've been quiet all day yesterday thought you snuck out" mom says

i shake my head, "just me being me" i say gently

i could tell she was examining my room from the side of my eye, "why's your room all messy again?" mom asks

"because" i say

"you have no reason to be sad you're living a great life making a lot of money. i should've put you on the antidepressant pills." mom says

that just pissed me off, "i'm not even depressed" i say

"stop acting like that then there's people out here who have it way worse than you. so clean this room right after school today or else you're grounded, oh and do the laundry and also be here on time 9pm sharp no later." mom says

she's always the one to talk about how i'm feeling and degrading me thinking it'll help and stop my feelings. she is so lucky i'm not suicidal. she'd regret every little thing she's ever said to me if i was, "what else?" i say nonchalantly.

"get your homework and assignments done on time your teacher emailed me today why was your assignment late? you aren't doing anything else with your life but youtube and sneaking out with jules" mom says

i just stare at her blankly. i wanna say something smart but i don't wanna start. she's clearly trying to get under my skin and i won't let her. i just nod.

"have all that done on time jayden. seriously. and have something to eat you're going to look like a skeleton. nobody likes a skeleton." mom says with a little attitude

i look at her, "you already called me a skeleton before and when i eat it's that i'm going go get fat like a dirty pig and you called me a pig before for not cleaning and a slut for sleeping with jules and-" i say until she cut me off