Until We Meet🤎 ~ jayules

103

friday
📍jules's apartment 😌
8:45 am

~jules pov

speechless. i'm so numb i can't feel a thing. i don't know where to start. todays court day and my parents are here. jayden had to leave a little earlier to go to san diego and make sure vinnie was ok because he wasn't answering and halia didn't know where he was last night either. last night i didn't sleep at all. i stayed up. just aching in pain. i've never felt more unmotivated and drained my entire life. why am i still living? i stayed on the phone with bella until 2am but she came shortly to my apartment and we stayed up together downstairs even though jayden wanted me to sleep but i just couldn't. bella and i sat in silence. well most of the time we did until she started bawling again. she's overly emotional. my tía and their dad are devastated. my mom heard from them my mom is crying her eyes out. my dad even is sad. bella's supposed to be going to school today but after hearing that and now the news is out about the shooting. about victor everyone knows and will talking about it today. bella's breaking my heart everytime i look at her. there's so many things i wanna say right now but i'll cry. when hayley woke up our parents told her what happened and she broke down. chris is just now leaving to school i don't know if jayden's going today. but today is a party after the boy's basketball game tonight that bella and i are supposed to be cheering at. but our coach just texted us and is being sympathetic the whole team is but she's told us we don't have to come since this happened over night. everyone's being so sympathetic to us and it's making me physically sick. i can't stand it.

my parents want us to eat but as they can see we look physically sick in the stomach. we're all so silent right now. my week has been so shitty i'm at my lowest... i'm about to break. but i hide it even though my thoughts tell me to just do it already. can't keep holding on any longer. my heart is in so much pain.

we're sitting on the couch hayley bella and i. i'm zoning out thinking. my dad sat down on the couch chair infront of us while our mom is pacing the kitchen trying to get a hold of her sister.

dad sighs and we can see the sadness in his face and body language, "girls.. i'm so sorry this happened to you and the now the family and his supporters are affected by it.. we've gotta keep pushing to get justice." dad says to us

we don't respond. he looks at bella specifically, "..i'm so sorry." dad says softly to her.

it's so much sad energy in the room. bella is torn. i've never seen her like this ever since the times i almost died. my parents knew i was suicidal for years but my mom calls me dramatic while my dad tries to help. it only makes me wanna go more which is why i'm not crying out for help this time. just wanna leave silently. but let hayley knows before. next week i'm doing it. after jayden's birthday. i'll give her the best birthday ever and tell her i love her and then go. the weight is getting too heavy in my heart i'm fighting so hard.

i got a text. i pick up my phone and i see jayden's name pop up. i saw hayley grab my wrist and look at me. she sees my scars, "don't start this again please no right now jules" hayley says

i take my wrist back and cover it with my bracelets. i felt bella peeping us but she's so upset she hasn't said a word in hours. i text jayden back.

jayde🤎

jayde | 8:55 am
how's it going? u good?

jules | 8:55 am
not really

jayde | 8:56 am
babe ik ur fighting but ur not alone i'm here and i love u

jules | 8:57 am
ik u love me jayde but u can not help me at all trust me it won't work i've been like this all my life