Until We Meet🤎 ~ jayules

149

tuesday
📍jules's house😛
8:39 am

~ jules pov

yesterday i had a productive day and towards the end i was just wining down for the night and i had texted jayden. i don't regret texting first i mean i've been an asshole to her for awhile when she would checkup on me so i decided i'd check up on her for once in awhile. and she really opened up to me about stuff i never knew about.

and i thought this must've been what she would tell devenity. this is information she kept from me to protect me but still went to her to talk to about. but it only made me think was it my fault she didn't open up to me? because i was already messed up with my bullshit that she didn't wanna weight me down with hers??

to me i saw nothing but perfection when i met jayden. she is so pretty, loving, caring, dependable, independent, hardworking, so so sweet, and so on. she was just the definition of perfect to me when i met her. i remember thinking to myself she is far too good for me. but it turns out she wasn't after all.

and i feel bad for not peeping anything suspicious with her sooner. i was depressed and addicted to drugs badly and she was there to save me even when i kept pushing her away. i realized she actually fell in love with me at the beginning because she was really loyal towards me and about me. she would flip out and cry when i would talk to someone else even when we weren't together and even then she still didn't want me with anybody but her together or not.

jayden loved to be up under me all the time and when she would be there all she would do is smile in my face and it would make me really really happy when she was around she knew that. which made us build a connection stronger than just friends with benefits. it was when i fell for her is when she fell out. and i started to feel how she felt at the beginning. but instead at the end.

but when we would have sex two years ago i never noticed anything besides when i saw her bruised on her arm or hip i'd ask her and she would be like it's nothing or i got hurt in practice and she would wanna fuck right after i noticed. i didn't know that was a sign she was lying until now. and when i found out her mom was verbally abusing her it made me wonder if she ever put her hands on her too.

i never asked jayde because she'll only laugh it off or ignore me. that's what she does when she's trying to avoid emotionally damaging questions. she'll cry and she hates crying around anybody. anybody but devenity. all i ever wanted was for her to trust me and open up to me for help. i was right there begging for her to pick me. to choose me to open up to. her own girlfriend but she picked a side hoe over me.

it hurts me to this day when i think about it because i feel betrayed and used. what is a relationship without emotional support? i need that and i want that with her so i gave that up and set her free to figure it out. i might be with multiple people and the media can see that but..

i'll never want someone the way that i want jayde. it's impossible i've tried like.. my eyes only see her in everybody and i get sad when it's not her. i used to get sick at the thought of her or me being with someone else or her being with other people and i would throw up all the time didn't matter where i was at for a month it was everyday. when she would text me my heart would drop and it'd  skip a beat.

when people would talk about her i was crying and especially my family i kept crying when they said her name they said they'd stop because they know i'm not over her and i would lie and say i am i'm just crying because of hormones but they know that wasn't true. i wasn't good during the breakup either. i may have put on a face for the media making it seem like oh i'm over her but on the inside i wasn't and im still not.