Before You (BY: Book 1)

The Men Of Her Life

Stef's POV

Well... Lena sure does know what to say to hurt me...

And the worst part is that everything that she said is true. How can I ask her to hide herself or her relationship? How selfish was that?

And how can I expect her to be okay with the fact that I don't want a divorce? Of course, she's not okay with it. I'm not okay with it either.

And now, I really have to decide what I'm going to do, I've hidden myself enough, it's time. Maybe I still have a chance with Lena if I make it right to her. She already has been so patient with me, so maybe, she'll take me back.

But even if she doesn't, I'm sick of hiding, I can't hide anymore time, I can't waist my life anymore, I can't stay miserable and do nothing. I'm still a bit ashamed of myself but coming out would maybe help me not to be anymore.

Maybe I'd lose things, maybe I'd lose people, but at least I'll finally be at peace with myself. Brandon will finally have the mother he deserves, and I have no doubt that he would accept me, because he's amazing, he's openminded, and kids don't reject people if we explain to them the proper way that even something different is not necessarily bad. It's all about education and I always teach him to accept all people, either they look like him or not, either they think like him or not. So, for once, I'll have a little bit of faith in the education that I gave him and trust him to accept me the way the I am.

It's now or never, I have to come out, I have to show myself, not the person that they all want me to be. Either they love me enough to try to understand, or they can turn their back to me, I don't care anymore, as long as I have my son, and maybe Lena, then I'll be okay.

First, Mike. I have to tell him today before I change my mind. Lena kicked my ass enough to wake me up from my denial, so I have to use that. Plus, I don't want Mike to spend one more day thinking that I will come back, because I won't, that is certain for it would kill me.

After that it would be my dad. The rejection that I'm gonna get is stressing me out and hurting me so badly already, but if he wants what's best for me, then he'll come around, at least, I hope. In the meantime, I'll inform my mother and then I would make it know at the police station so that I'll be done with it for good.

I know that maybe tell the entire precinct will be hard for Mike, but it will be known anyway, so I better make a whole announcement out of it, because otherwise, the guys will literally harass him to know if the rumors are true, and let me tell you, I know there will be rumors.

And at the end of it, if I had survived. I will go get Lena back. She's very angry with me right now, as she should be, but maybe she loves me still. I hope at least a little bit for even behind all her anger, I could see her pain and also her love...

Brandon will have to be the last to know for, that's gonna be hard on him. I know he still have a bit of hope that his dad and I will fix things up and be together again. So, one thing at the time.
I have to be strong now, for Brandon, and for me.

So, I texted Mike, I told him to meet me at the little coffee near the precinct to talk about us. I'm freaking out, but I have to be honest with him.

I was a bit late because I was thinking too much but I went.

He's already here, so when he saw me, he stood up and come to kiss my cheek -thing that he hasn't done since a long time, and it wasn't helping at all.

I sat down and said that I was sorry for been late, and he start right away, and fuck I should have been faster.

"Look, this separation's been good. I mean... bad; but good. It made me realize that I have not been present in our marriage for a while and I'm sorry." He said, as I couldn't believe he is saying this NOW; and I was praying that he would stop talking but he didn't.