Before You (BY: Book 1)

Done

Stef's POV

Something was off with Lena since I asked her to move in with me a week ago. She seemed excited at some point and no need to say that I was over the moon, but then I don't know... something changed, and I can't quite figure out what.

She was supposed to bring her stuff at my place the next day I asked her to live with us, but she didn't. At first, I thought that it was normal since it was a big step and knowing how it turned out the last time she move in with someone.

Then I was thinking maybe it was because she wanted us to move in her appartement but that wasn't possible since she doesn't have another room for Brandon. So it can't be that.

Then, again, what is it? I'm starting to think that maybe she's getting cold feet, but why doesn't she tell me? I mean we can discuss things like this, I'm not going to be mad if she wants to think more about it or something.

I don't know... in any case I have to figure out or make her talk because this is fucking with my mind.

What doesn't help was that I got so damn excited that I told Brandon that Lena was going to move in with us, we talked about it, and he was very much fine with it, saying that he was waiting since forever for her to move in since 'that's what couples do' he said matter of factly.

Now he was asking me every night if she was coming home with us already and I could only find excuses for her because she's kind of avoiding me which is driving me crazy, so I decide that I was going to see her tonight.

I was getting so nervous in the elevator, feeling my chest tighten and my palms sweating. I have such a bad feeling that I can't check out of my head and it's making me increasingly agitated.

I push the doorbell two time and wait while trying my best to breath properly.

She opens the door, and her face went almost blank she saw me. She was usually so excited to see me, her face would light up, and her eyes would spark, but now...

"Hi." I said awkwardly, which was the worst because she was the only person I could feel relax and natural with and this wasn't natural at all.

"Hey..." she said back, as we were standing there, a big silence invading the space making me want to just disappear because I'm scared about whatever she's going to say. This can't be good...

"Come in. I actually wanted to talk to you." she said quietly, opening her door, mentioning me to step inside before she closed the door behind me.

"So... what's up? You don't want to move in with me, so you're avoiding me? I mean, if it's that then you don't have to worry love, I won't get mad, it's a big step and we can talk about it, you know." I blurt out, not baring this untenable silence between us.

She was looking everywhere but at me, and I was getting more anxious by the minute.

"No... it's not that, actually... I..." she said stuttering, still not looking at me as guilt was writing all over her face. What did she do?

"Lena please just say it. You've been avoiding me like the plague for days, it must be a reason... just spill it, please." I said, just wanting her to talk and be done with it since I knew by now that I wasn't going to like what she was about to say.

"I... hum... I had a job offer, as principal of a school, you know it's my dream job and I..." she said, as I was almost confused. That was a good thing.

"Oh that's it? Love, come on I'm happy for you! I mean even if it's not at Brandon school it doesn't matter, I know how much you want this babe." I said getting closer to her and smiling.

But that quickly disappear when she pulled away from me.

"Stef..." she said her voice breaking and her eyes finally meeting mine. I didn't know what it meant.

"Stef... the job is... it's in Washington..." she finally blurts out as I couldn't believe my ears.

"Washington, like... Washington DC? This state at the other end of the country?" I ask, just to be well aware of the situation here.

"Yes..." she said.

"Did you... did you applied there?" I ask because if she did, then I have to know when.

"No, no I didn't... the actual principal at Anchor Beach send my profile because she knew I wanted that kind of job and they... they just called me back. It was the day after you asked me to move in with you Stef, I didn't know when I said yes and now I..." she start rambling as my patience was leaving me little by little.

"And now what, huh?" I asked, cutting her off, feeling my blood boiling. She couldn't possibly be doing this to me.

"Stef..."

"What Lena? You know that I can't move out of San Diego because Mike is here, and Brandon needs his father. You know that distance relationship doesn't work, no matter if we want it or not, which I don't by the way. So, tell me, now what? What did you say to them?" I ask angrily feeling my heart hurting and racing as my mind wasn't better.

"I... I told them I was going to think about it. I... I have to give them an answer tonight actually." she said hesitated, tears in her eyes, but I couldn't care less.

From then, Lena and I were definitely done.

Lena's POV

"Okay, you know what? I'll make this easier for you, just fucking go, Lena." she said with so much hurt in her voice and her eyes as I was feeling so terrible.

"Stef!" I said, not wanting to finish this discussion like this as she looked right into my eyes.

"I was ready to quit my job for you. I was ready to do whatever the fuck needed to be done to make you happy with me, and you are "thinking about" leaving me for a job! That's awesome!" She said ironically as I could see she was trying very hard not to cry in front of me, and I knew I just broke her heart right this moment.

"Stef, wait! Yes, I said that I was thinking about it. I didn't say yes. I didn't say that I was leaving you!" I said trying to make a point, for if she asked me to stay I will without any hesitation.

"It's too late. I won't beg you to stay and then wonder everyday if you regret it. I won't stand there feeling guilty about keeping you from accomplishing your dream. If that's your dream, then go fucking live it! And don't ever talk to me again!" She screams at my face as I couldn't keep my tears from falling anymore.

"Stef, please!" I said trying to grab her arm before she could go, but she almost violently pulled away from me.

"Don't fucking touch me! Thanks to you I have to go find a way to tell my son how I fail another relationship that mattered to him!" she screamed again, angrier than ever and run out of here as fast as she could as I immediately felt ashamed to admit that didn't even think about Brandon.

I actually wasn't thinking about anyone, not even Stef, the only thing into my head was that this job was an opportunity of a lifetime. There's no principal of my age, it's a privilege to be chosen and even more since I'm a woman, a black woman. This would never present itself a second time, and that's all I could see, all I could hear and think about.

Now, that I saw Stef eyes, now that I know for sure that I broke her heart and that there's no way I couldn't get her back after that, I just did the only thing that I could do, which was call back the school, take this offer for that's all I have left now.

I'll move to Washington DC, I'll have the job of my dream, and I'll build a life there. I can do this.

***********

Please, don't hate me :)