Goals Off Court | SatoSere

Chapter 37 - Struggling Feelings

Seeena looked through the glass sliding doors, staring at her mother' back for minutes. He sat on the porch steps, looking down at something she couldn't make out yet. Finally, she slid the door open. The cool air hitting her face had tamed her nerves.

Grace could hear each step she made on the brick porch. When Serena stood by her side and sat down next to her, she saw her mother flip through a photo album.

"You were something else back then," Grace started. "You had moments where you wanted to give up, but you never did." She sounded lost and distracted, eyeing the different photos of her daughter.

Serena could see the guilt written on her mother's face. She turned away, staring at the healthy, green plants that littered their yard. It seemed to have a calming effect on her along with the wind airing out her burning eyes.

"I should've been there for you more, dear."

Serena didn't argue with that, because she was right. She should've tried more and she had learned that eventually, her mother wasn't there. She closed her eyes at the thought, feeling remorse at the thought. Serena didn't hate her for it. She doesn't think she genuinely ever could.

"I don't... think so much on it. You shouldn't either," Serena spoke at last, her throat clearing from the hard rock that formed.

Grace's eyes widened, turning away from the photos and to the side of her face. "But, Serena—"

"I did think—sometimes—that you were disappointed in me." Serena gave a wobbly smile. "For not taking your path as a professional horse rider."

"Why would you think that? I could never be disappointed in you. I'm proud of everything you've done up until now."

"It felt as if things changed when I spoke to you about my real dream as a ballet dancer." Serena said, her eyes falling to the ground. "You were always there when it came to horse riding training, but not the times where I could show you how serious I am about what I chose for myself. Dancing is my passion and just a second of seeing you in the crowd would've sufficed."

"Serena." Grace grasped her hand in her strong hold. "Disappointment is the last thing I could ever feel towards you. You've come a long way, one I didn't imagine when you were a young girl." She looked at her strongly with watery eyes. "I have my regrets. My regrets of not being there for my daughter in the most precious moments that won't be given back to me."

"I've pushed you away." Serena squeezed her eyes closed, but the tears were helpless and pricked from her shut eyelids. Shaking her head in sadness, she went on, "I blamed you. I let my emotions get the best of me. I've said things. I've been a terrible daughter. I know it's not your fault. You're busy and I understand that." She looked at her with so much hurt, her eyes shining with heavy drops.

Grace saw the grief that laid in her and she slowly looked down from her face. Serena cleared the short tears that leaked from her eyes with her thumb, pushing her knees up and encircling her arms around to hug them closer to her chest. She leaned her chin in the dip between both knees.

"I'm sorry," she said hoarsely.

Her mother looked utterly flabbergasted. "For what?"

"For everything."

"Dear," Grace blinked a few times before shaking her head. "You don't have to be sorry. I should be the one who's sorry."

"I couldn't understand your absence, but you didn't deserve what I've done and said to you." Serena faced her, resting her cheek on a knee.

"Nor did you deserve the same from me, but you were upset, Serena. I wouldn't—I never held that against you. I did deserve it." Grace's hand came and smoothed down Serena's hair. "I love you. More than you know. I'll always love you no matter what you do. There is nothing to forgive. Me on the other hand..." She sighed, her hand freezing at the back of Serena's head. "I can't redo the past, but I can do better in the present and future."