Starcrossed Losers - [A Kili X OC fic]

Chapter XII

Sad girl hours

Tw: sprinkle of backstory for you, as a gift❤️ Mentions/descriptions of wounds. Description of losing consciousness + passing out. Mentions of nausea, the urge to throw up and light headedness. PTSD, nightmares, mentions of dead bodies. Raewyn cries again (so sorry). Bit foreshadowing but not really (read note at the end of the chapter)

Was gonna make this fluffy, but then I realized who I was, so of course; it's angst baby. I cried writing this :)

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It had been mere days since the confrontation with Azog, but the memories of those short moments have bothered Raewyn ever since they left the Carrock. The malice in his voice, the joy in his eyes, the hatred behind his speech. But more of all; the thought of saving that one dwarf that single handedly ruined her life. It had kept her awake for days.

She had noticed the slight change in Thorin's behavior, yet she could not help but hear the whining of that little voice in the back of her head. The voice that taunted her with older memories, trying to convince her that Thorin had not changed at all. And in a way, Raewyn knew that voice was right. Had the whole scene on that cliff not have happened, she and Thorin would be on each other's throats by now. And the simple idea of that began to bother her.

Gandalf had sat with Raewyn for a while, trying to make the best of the injuries she had gotten in Goblintown, but most of it had to heal on its own. She should have been counting herself as grateful for the fact that the arrow had not been poisoned. Oin had given her a short treatment of herbs and ointment for the wounds, but that was as far as anything would get her now. Only time would mend the wounds.

And whilst being on a pretty important quest, the delay she brought to the company had not been received lightly. Not at all. She had been surprised with how well Thorin had handled it. Sure, he told her to move and walk it off, but there were no more death threats behind his words, so it had been a relative improvement.

Poor Bilbo had not once left the ranger's side, convinced he'd be safest beside her than anywhere else at the moment. Even as she struggled to walk properly, the hobbit would not stick next to any other person. She had saved his life many times more than anyone else had, and he felt as is he owed it to her. The least bit of support he could offer her, at least.

And Kili - pitiable Kili - had been so conflicted in his head. Even though Raewyn had been alive and walking, the fear of losing her began to overtake his brain. That terrifying moment on that cliff had perhaps haunted him more than it haunted her. And he could not do anything to get rid of the fresh feeling of fear each and every time she had tended to her wounds. Even Fili had begun to realize something was up. Kili had stuck with the Asha and the hobbit, yet his brother knew something had changed. And perhaps, deep down, he had known before Kili even did.