Starcrossed Losers - [A Kili X OC fic]

Chapter XLIII

You know what's scarier than a dragon? Feelings.

Tw: Feelings. A long awaited chapter, if you will. Emotions??? Crying?? Really mild for my doing.

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Raewyn didn't remember falling asleep in his chambers that night. Everything had gone by in a flash. She remembers waking up before him, slanted against the wooden frame of his bed, still seated on the floor, the slight brush of his arm against hers. It was enough to raise a sinking feeling in her stomach. Not one of desperation or grief - it was a nice feeling.

She remembered gently waking him and thanking him for comforting her. After that, one of the younger girls from Laketown helped her into one of her dresses, most suitable for a funeral. She had helped the girl back to her mother in the big halls of Erebor, before entering the Gallery of Kings, now littered with a golden floor. On the higher steps of the stairs, she could already see Thorin, Bard and Thranduil, accompanied by a handful of elves and men. What caused her breath to hold momentarily was seeing Fili and Kili up there in regal robes, standing beside Thorin proudly. With the time spent on their quest, Raewyn had slowly begun to forget that the two were indeed royalty, and had lawfully been considered princes. They never held that atmosphere of authority that Thorin seemed to ooze; it was easy to see past the fact that they had a right to a throne. And though she had been raised without hierarchy and with disdain towards kingdoms, she couldn't help but bow her bead slightly to the pair.

The commemoration of the fallen soldiers had been long and emotional. Raewyn hadn't lost anyone close to her - thankfully - but the sobbing of men and wailing of children was enough to cause her to blink back a few tears. She couldn't deny that the loss had been too great for words, even though the kings had done their best to try so. She didn't know how long she had been in that room, but when they came back out, sun had already set. Granted, there had been a big dinner and party afterwards to celebrate the lives and future of the people of Erebor and Dale, but she hadn't anticipated for an entire day to pass by.

All throughout the party, all she truly felt was anxiety. Bilbo would be leaving the next day, and she had yet to answer Thorin's offer. There was fright and fear in accepting the proposal for reasons she could not quite place. She wanted to stay, but simultaneously felt as if that would be intruding, even if everyone in the mountain would personally assure her that that wouldn't be a necessity. She had done her absolute best to hide from Kili, a new-found fear climbing out her body every time someone would even mention his name. She couldn't place where that had come from.

The flash of events came to a halt when she escaped to that all-too-familiar spot above the broken gates to Erebor. She had sneaked some food out for Farris, who was peacefully eating it in front of her. A plus that came with a somewhat magical owl, was that she ate everything and never got sick. That way, Raewyn could sneak out a handful of desserts; a few for her and a few for Farris.