number 13 | yoomin

fifty-eight

tw: relapse

by far, summer was the worst season for people with eating disorders because it seemed like everyone around them had better bodies.

jimin was no exception to this bad feeling. he hated seeing how defined everyone's bodies were when he went to the pool or seeing everyone's muscular arms and legs at the mall.

for gosh's sake, he hated to admit this, but he was so jealous of taehyung who had such defined abs even though he barely worked out!

naturally, seeing so many people with such good looking bodies, his eating disorder was triggered. he couldn't stand the thought of eating or gaining weight.

his parents were at work until around 6pm, so jimin had the house all to himself. he could anything he wanted.

anything means anything, right?

—

jimin stared at the breakfast his mom had left in the fridge for him. it was nauseating, his stomach hurt just at the sight. however, his heart would hurt equally if he didn't eat it. he knew his mother woke up early to make him food before she went to work.

his jaw moved up and down as he ate his breakfast. although his body was asking for more, his mentality was crushing him and making him want to cry.

he washed the plate after he barely finished. jimin sat down, reminding himself to let the food sit for thirty minutes.

jimin couldn't do it. he ran to the bathroom and locked the door even though no one was home. he stuck two fingers into his mouth and felt the  pancakes and strawberries rush back up his throat.

he coughed into the toilet, gasping for air once he finished. he stared at it for a minute before flushing it down. this wasn't good at all. jimin wasn't feeling any sort of guilt. in fact, he was feeling the opposite of guilt.

—

although he didn't feel guilty, his body was feeling horrible. he felt lethargic, he felt like he had no energy. it had been so long since he had made himself throw up that he had forgotten how it felt.

in hopes of making the feeling go away, he took a nap. when he woke up, he felt incredibly hungry and thristy. he groaned, not attempting to get up from the couch to even get something to drink.

—

"hi baby, how's your day been?" jimin's mother said, taking off her shoes and placing her purse on the couch, "it's been great" he weakly said, he knew he couldn't let his parents find out, "that's great, jimin! what do you want for dinner?"

"i'm not that hungry, you should let dad choose" he reassured, "sounds great, he should be home soon" she smiled.

the man opened the house door, instantly hugging his son, "hi son" he smiled, "hi dad" he weakly smiled.

"what do you want for dinner?" the mother asked, the man hummed and began talking, but the whole conversation seemed blurry to jimin.

—

"jimin, dinner is ready" the woman said, jimin held his stomach, "i don't feel well, i don't think i can eat" he mumbled, the woman walked over to him. she looked at how tired jimin felt, she had observed how slow he had been speaking, and now acknowledged that jimin had stayed in the same spot all through the time she cooked dinner.